The One Where We Talk About Beyonce

Before we really get going here, let me just say I thought Queen B KILLED IT during the Super Bowl Halftime Show. Sorry, the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome. So, you have three choices. 

1) You can say "GIRL, you're CRAZY. That was TERRIBLE." And keep reading anyway.
2) You can say "GIRL, you're CRAZY. That was TERRIBLE." And stop reading.
3) You can say "GIRL, you're RIGHT!" And keep reading.

Continue as you must. 

Let me state by saying that I've never been a huge fan of Beyonce's. I feel like she does too many unnecessary vocal rifts that can border on screechy in some of her songs (prime examples: Ave Maria and Emotion). I fear she is a giant, enormous diva in real life who demands the air around her be a stable 76 degrees at all times and if you look at her the wrong way, you're fired. I wish I knew more about her and Jay-Z as a couple, which translates into I wish she was less private about her private life. Also, this: 

I don't really trust anyone who names their offspring after types of fruit (I'M LOOKING AT YOU, GWYNETH) or crayons.

That being said, she has won me over with her INSANE weave and killer Sasha Fierce eyes. Lest we forget, here is a link to the video of her performance: 

I love how the announcer, at the very beginning, says, "And we are just seconds away from the arrival of Beyonce." Because EVERY PERSON who is watching this knows who she is. I'm pretty sure you'd have to be blind and deaf with a terribly boring Anne Sullivan to not know who she is. I can't even FATHOM what it must be like to be her. But I sure would like to find out! 

So after I watched this, I immediately thought "I must get myself to the gym!" so that's where I headed. And proceeded to listen to Beyonce and Destiny's Child songs throughout my entire workout. In case you're wondering, my favorite Beyonce song is Schoolin' Life. If you haven't heard it, you must. It pumps me up every single time I listen it. I could be doing the dishes and this song will come on and I'll be like "YEAH! DISHES!" And they get done 14% faster, I swear. 

I am also an enormous fan of the Destiny's Child song Survivor. Not that I've really experienced a lot of hardship in my life (hi, I grew up in a white, upper-middle-class household) but whenever I listen to this song, I'm all like "YEAH! I AM a survivor! Gonna surround myself with POSITIVE THINGS! GAIN that PROSPERITY!"

And, of course, when it's just one of those days when the entire universe and everyone in it is annoying you, I always relate to Bug-A-Boo. "YEAH! You DO make me wanna tell MCI to cut the phone cord! SO WHAT you bought me a pair of shoes!"

Also, can we talk for a hot second about all the different versions of Destiny's Child there have been?

Version 1:

Version 2:

That doesn't even look like Beyonce in the middle. It's an alien impostor!

Version 3:

I tried to read the entire Wikipedia article about the group, so I could determine why the lineup changed so much, but it was very lengthy. Slash I am lazy. Regardless, the length of the article fuels my deep-seated fear of Beyonce's potential divaness. But for now, I am still convinced she is awesome. HATERS TO THE LFET.