The One Where You Wish You Were a College Admissions Officer

So I came across this Buzzfeed article recently: 22 Of the Most Creative College Essay Questions From 2013. And I decided to answer them, in 2 sentences or less. Because what else do I have to do with my time?

1) What does #YOLO mean to you?

To me, #YOLO means something is so good I can't even process it:

#CheeseYOLO

#SunsetYOLO

#BridesmaidYOLO 

2) "Describe your favorite 'Bazinga' moment."

I've been thinking about this for days now and I can't come up with a good response to this... Oh no, my wit is already failing me. Please let me into college. I swear I'm better than this. 

3) “Winston Churchill believed ‘a joke is a very serious thing.’ Tell us your favorite joke and try to explain the joke without ruining it.”

The joke = this essay question.
Explanation = someone is getting lazy in admissions.

4) “Anna Quindlen says that she ‘majored in unafraid’ at Barnard. Tell us about a time when you majored in unafraid.”

That one time I saw this hot dog and didn't run away screaming in fear.

5) What matters to you, and why?”

It's really important to me that we don't quit fighting the war on socks and sandals in this country. Because children are being needlessly frightened by this daily.

6) “What makes you happy?”

Fluffy white dogs.

7) “To tweet or not to tweet?”

As with most things in life, if you have to ask, you can't afford it. (What?)

8) “Pick one woman in history or fiction to converse with for an hour and explain your choice. What would you talk about?”

Condoleeza Rice. I'd ask her how to look as fierce as her on the daily.

9) “What’s your favorite word and why?”

Ersatz. Because it looks foregin, but it's really English.

10) “What do you hope to find over the rainbow?”

Nothing related to The Wizard of Oz, because that movie freaks me out.

11) “You’ve just reached your one millionth hit on your YouTube video. What is the video about?”

The story of my decision to purchase an alpaca.

12) “Give us your top ten list.”

Beyonce, chocolate cake, poodles, coffee, Tadashi Shoji, Beyonce, sunshine, peanut butter, library books, the first Sex and the City movie.

13) “Imagine looking through a window. What are you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you?”

I'm looking at Pat Sajak and that is meaningful because it means I'm about to finally get my chance to shine on Wheel of Fortune!

Game show dreamboat.

14) “Describe yourself as fully and accurately as possible in 140-characters.”

Way less into Candy Crush than my niece.

15) “Take a blank sheet of paper. Do with this page what you wish. Your only limitations are the boundaries of this page. You don’t have to submit anything, but we hope you will use your imagination."

Please accept this drawing of me, angry over my student loan balance.

16) “What outrages you? What are you doing about it?”

When people refuse to karaoke. What I am doing about it - plying them with more drinks so they'll karaoke with me. 

17) “Please tell us about a gift, given or received, that was particularly meaningful to you.”

Floor seats to NKOTBSB. Do I really need to elaborate?

18) “Pick a movie or novel where the protagonist makes a difficult choice. Do you agree or disagree with the decision he or she made?”

Movie - Tangled. Yes - I always agree that you should refuse to let your insane wicked "adoptive" mother keep you hostage in a tower for years on end even if she does let you have a pet chameleon.

19) “What sets your heart on fire?”

Usually really spicy chili. 

20) “If your name were an acronym, what would it stand for and how would it reflect your strengths and personality?”

NANCE - Never Accepting No Crap Ever

21) “What is the best piece of advice you have received while in high school?”

 Don't worry about your Spanish AP exam. And stop eating snack bar nachos.

22) “What is the first thing that comes to mind when you see the word ‘Future’?”

Back To The...

Can you believe these are actual college entrance essay questions that people answered in 2013? I'm pretty sure my college entrance essay had me describe what The Good, The True, and The Beautiful meant to me and may have asked me to talk about my favorite book. The times... they are a-changin'.