The One Where I Make You Hungry

It is HIGH TIME for some new Weekly Obsessions, doncha think? Without further ado... (PS there's a lot of food in here, so if you're hungry... get a snack first!) (PPS do I EVEN need to say I found all the recipes on Pinterest?)

Weekly Obsessions! Whoo!

1) This cucumber salad. HOLY MOLY. I made it for lunch on Friday and literally ate the whole bowl standing up at my kitchen counter because I couldn't handle wasting time walking to the table to sit down and eat it. I am not even ashamed. I swapped the sour cream for plain Greek yogurt and added more vinegar than it called for, but obviously those changes worked for me.

2) This kale salad.

I left the avocado out since I didn't feel like killing myself and the nuts out because I'm currently poor and nuts are expensive, but THE DRESSING MY GOD THE DRESSING. This was another one I couldn't stop eating while standing up at the counter. (Do I have a problem? I'm starting to make myself sound like a farm animal...) I didn't eat kale until recently, but it's got such a satisfying crunch. Mama like. 

3) These no-cake strawberry shortcake bite things. 

Guys... I ate [insert the largest number I can eat without you judging me here] in one sitting. And then I looked around and I dusted the crushed Nilla Wafter remains off my fingers, put on my running gear, and headed out to try to counteract that whole experience. Needless to say, they will be made again. And again. And again. I will be bringing them to every single summer party I'm invited to. DELICIOUS.

4) The following quote. I had to read it 3 times the first time I read it. (Not because it has big words in it, but rather to let it sink in.)

"Cut to the chase, don't waste time doing stuff that seems 

to be essential to your life and business, just because other people do it. 

Why make nachos if what you really want to do is 

pick the browned shreds of baked cheddar

 off the cookie sheet? Just cook the cheese and be done with it."

Whoa. WHAT. I LOVE THAT. It's from Karen Karbo's book The Gospel According to Coco Chanel. I found it in a blog entry from one of my favorite bloggers, Nicole, from A Life Less Bullshit. I'm trying to just bake the cheese, now. 

5) I also cannot stop thinking about this quote:

I need to embrace this more. I don't know many women who are okay with being sucky at something the first time they try it. We all are like "I NEED TO BE AMAZING FROM THE GET GO" and that's how we get into trouble. I'm granting universal permission to everyone to just be okay with being a beginner. 

6) My Origami Owl locket. My friend Francesca sells Origami Owl and we made this one that's Kappa-themed. (Okay, fine, technically she made one first and then I just copied it.) I AM OBSESSED. (Hence why it is under the Weekly Obsessions section, Nan...) Check out more of their stuff here: Origami Owl

All in all, an obsess-y week. Excited to start another one tomorrow because that means we're 1 week closer to summer! Come onnnnn summer! Also, keep your eyes peeled for a weight loss update this week. It's a good one :-)

The One Where We Discuss Basil

Ok. First. Drum roll please...

As of today, I have successfully kept my basil plant alive for over a month! (Tricked ya there with the drum roll, didn't I? You thought for SURE I'd have something super exciting to share like I just won a free Forever Lazy or something, right?)

This may seem like a small feat, but TRUST - it is not. I was un-blessed with two things in this life: the first being fine motor skills, the second being the ability to keep plants/a garden.

Now, yes, okay, fine, I have decent fine motor skills. Like I can cut an apple. And usually color between the lines. But for anything much more advanced than that... good luck, honey. This is sort of strange since my father is a dentist which requires mad fine motor skills, and my mom needlepointed our family stockings one year, which is just one example of her insane fine motor skills and I've trusted my sister to apply eyelash extensions on me, which also requires steady paws.

You don't want an amateur or a drunk doing this to you!

This lack of fine motor skills is somewhat of a running joke in my family and I think the following story best illustrates just how terrible they are. When I was in 2nd grade, our class made a quilt and everyone (including the boys) sewed a little 4"x4" square of the quilt. We all got to pick what fabric we could use for our square and one of the classroom volunteer moms taught us the basics of sewing. Guess how long it took me to complete my square... An ENTIRE EXTRA WEEK'S WORTH OF RECESS.

A relatively accurate representation of what I'm sure my face looked like through this whole process...

I was the last person to finish, including all the boys. Looking back, I realize I maaaaaay have partially been taking my time because recess was kind of hell for me considering I was a large child and running/playing was unappealing to me, especially in Arizona in August. Since then, guess how many things I've sewn... a big fat zero. I literally take my clothes to my dry cleaners so she can fix my fallen hems. Oh well. I've got more important things to do!

Anyway, the second thing I was un-blessed with was this lack of plant-taking-care-of ability. A lot of it stems from the fact that I am constantly forgetting to water my plants. This time around, though, I put it right above my sink so I have no choice but to stare at it every single time I'm rinsing off dishes or getting a glass of water. So I think that forced attention has been the key to its survival. I mean, just look at it!

Now who wants to come over for some pesto?? Okay, but seriously, if you are coming over for pesto, please bring the pine nuts, olive oil, and whatever fancy cheese we need to add because I don't have any of that...

One final thing, in case you need a good chortle - the updated Mona Lisa. This is both funny and nauseating to me at the same time.

Does she kind of look like Snooki? I can't tell!

xoxo,
Gossip Nance

The One Where Ish Gets Real

Not racist... just think this is funny.

Now that we got that out of the way... nice to see you. Welcome back! Tonight, I'm going to post about something I debated writing about, but I think a lot of you can relate (not calling you all fat... settle down... PS you don't even know what I'm talking about yet) so let's discuss! The topic? Weight loss, OF COURSE.

Apparently eating a sausage off a fork is "hot in weight loss" according to Google Images. Well. I kind of hate sausages and eating one off a fork is just silly so that's not the direction this post is going in. However, here's a pop quiz for you.

What do Sara Rue, Mariah Carey and I all have in common? (Circle one)

A) We all look good in plaid
B) We all got married in Malibu
C) We are all doing/have done Jenny Craig

C is the correct answer! Now... I might know what you're thinking. Jenny Craig? Like... really? Jenny Craig?

I know, guys. I KNOW.

Well... yeah. For the record, the food is pretty tasty. Mostly. And it's one of the only weight loss programs I've successfully lost weight with, so that's cool. In fact, it's the only thing I've tried in recent years where I've successfully lost weight. So I am hopeful that this time around, I will be successful again. 

In my weight loss journey, which I've basically been on since birth, I've been chubby, overweight, normal weight, REALLY overweight, then towards normal, then back to overweight. I've learned a LOT along the way, such as it helps me to write down and post concrete goals to look at and I can exercise as much as I damn well please, but if I keep eating the way that's "natural" to me, I won't lose an ounce.

This is so true.

I really don't want this to turn into a weight loss/running/exercise/food journal blog. But I do think people should know what's up in my life. And this is kind of a big thing. I mean, I eat like 5 times a day. And not necessarily small meals, like they recommend...

Just a typical lunch... I'm ON the Michael PHELPS diet!

But in all seriousness, I hope the next time I post a pic of myself on here, I weigh less. That's my vague, amorphous goal for now. And if any of you are on a weight loss journey, just know there's one more person out there who knows what you're going through. And choosing veggies over cake gets moderately easier, but some days it's still a struggle.

In other news, I went to the movies the other night (Silver Linings Playbook - holla at me J. Law and B. Coop! You two rocked!) and as I was walking from my car to the theater, I hear this kid hollering and crying and snotting and I get closer to the car he's standing next to with his parents (maybe??? I couldn't tell if this was a Teen Mom situation or if he was the girl's brother or what was happening) and I hear the "man" tell the kid "Dude! It's okay you threw up! You just ate too much candy!" Okay, so this is where I started questioning if these were his parents because anybody I know with children wouldn't have let the kid eat so much candy he puked it in the Ontario Mills parking lot. And then I side-eyed them and continued on my merry way. Needless to say, I did NOT want candy after hearing that. So at least that happened.

PS - don't worry. I'll never be super skinny. Even at the thinnest I've ever been in high school I was still a size 14/16. And that's fine. Because...

The One Where I Discuss The Need for Fast Casual Restaurant Etiquette

So, first, let's discuss the ridiculousness that is the phrase "fast-casual restaurant." For those unfamiliar with this term (apparently I'm an expert on it???), basically this is a restaurant where you place your order at the counter, but then it usually still takes some time to be made and then they call out your name and you get it from the counter or they bring it to your table (IF your little electronic table number thingamadoo works, which sometimes it does NOT - I'm looking at you Panera!). Some examples include:

Chipotle, where the secret ingredient is crack cocaine!*

You can get a Thanksgiving dinner YEAR ROUND. GENIUS.

Noms.

*God, not really. Jokes, Chipotle, jokes. Don't sue me.


You get the picture. Anyway, saying something is "fast casual" makes it the culinary equivalent of  wearing a polo and jeans. Like, you look fine. Sometimes better than fine. But not amazeballs. And that's fine. Amazeballs on a daily basis is boring. 

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, something else you should know before I continue. I am a planner. Like a constant, never-ending, need-to-be-on-top-of-it-all planner. I just really like planning okay? OKAY!? 

All right! Now that we've got all the background out of the way... So after work today, I zipped over to the gym and worked out with my trainer, Ashley, in preparation for the race my "sole sister" Shelly and I are running on Sunday. (More on that later.) By the time I left the gym, it was 6:30 and I NEEDED TO EAAAATTT. So as I'm driving home I think to myself "Huh. What's the easiest way to undo all the work I just did in one fell swoop? Ah yes. Mexican food. Oh look.... A Wahoo's!"*

Do not be fooled. Nobody in here actually surfs or knows what any of the stickers on the walls mean.

*Yeah, I went in all workout sweaty. No judgies.

So in I go. And while I'm looking at the menu, I decide I'm getting an enchilada PLUS two tacos so I can eat the tacos for lunch tomorrow (this is where you knowing and already accepting that I'm a planner comes in handy). These will come with rice and beans, so this is obviously a pretty decent meal for one person in one sitting, but whatever. This makes total sense to me since I will be spreading it out across two meals.  I order, and the girl behind the register informs me they'll call my name when my order's ready.

So I sit on the small bench across from the end of the counter. My reasons for this are two-fold. One, I needed to sit so I could comfortably do some "information gathering" (some call it stalking, whatevs) on Facebook while waiting and two, the fact that I'm sitting so close to the counter means they do not need to holler my name for the entire restaurant to hear when my order is ready. While waiting, these bros roll in behind me.

Visual representation of bros

These bros are bedecked in sweatpants, carrying mega size cans of Monster energy drink, and they announce to the girl behind the counter she's giving them "too many options" and they say "F$%k it! Halfsies!" when she asks whether they want red or green sauce on their enchiladas. Whilst this is going on, my order is apparently ready. And the assistant manager grabs the bag and yells "NANCY!" like I'm sitting in the parking lot, not four feet in front of him. I stand up and grab the bag and he proceeds to read my entire fatty order back to me at top volume: "SO I GOT TWO TACS, RICE, BEANS, AND ONE ENCHILADA. TWO TACOS, RIGHT?" 

Jesus Christ, man. No need to read the order at all, let alone affirm TWICE that I got two tacos! I quickly mumble "yes", grab the bag, and head out the door, while the bros and everyone else in the restaurant looks at me. This was not one of the times it was my imagination, I got visual confirmation everyone was, in fact, looking at me. 

And that's how Nancy's rules of fast casual restaurant etiquette were born. So far, I have two rules:
1) Refuse to serve bros wearing sweatpants and carrying cans of Monster.
2) When you're giving someone their order, don't read it back to them unless they ask.
And 2a) Read it (only if prompted!) at a normal volume. If you have to yell all the time, that may indicate the need for a trip to the doctor. 

There you have it. Go forth and preach, my friends. And stop drinking Monster. It's bad for you.*

*Again, I am apparently an expert...