The One Where I Review a Show About Adult Show Choir... In Wisconsin

Tonight's post is dedicated to my friend and Kappa sister Christina (what up, girl!) who informed me that she was watching a show called Off Pitch on VH1 and wanted to know if I thought it was funny or not so she could proceed accordingly. Now, to be clear, Christina is a very decisive person, so it's not like she's running around always looking for someone to tell her what to think. Rather, I guess I'm her "beacon of what is funny" which HELLO I'd like to make a tshirt that says that. It would look something akin to this:

Designed in haste on ooshirts.com

So, I figured since I had never heard of this show, let alone watched an episode, I'd live-blog my watching the first episode so then we can have a consensus on whether it is funny or not. And by consensus, I mean you will all just read what I think about it. Ok. Here goes.

My neighbors are being loud and I can't tell if I need to be concerned or not. Whatevs. Log on to VH1.com and search for Off Pitch. All I can find in my 2 seconds of looking at the page is Episode 102 - "It's A Sing Off." Perfect. I'm already intrigued. I know nothing about this show, but if I had to guess it'd be a dancing/singing competition. 

Oh look, I'm right.

The episode opens with a review of last week's episode. Some dude with a sweater around his shoulders says they're going to get serious and start taking choreography a lot more seriously. .

So they're going to have a dance-off. The first guy looks... really white.

This girl is clearly a cheerleader.

Oh wait. She's the most star-like. My bad.

OMG OMG I JUST REALIZED WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. THE ONLY ADULT-ONLY COMMUNITY SHOW CHOIR IN THE COUNTRY. YES!!!! I am in. 

The co-directors. You can't make this shit up. Look at that parrot in the background!!!!

Scarf (same man who was Sweater above) is yapping about how this is going to be their best year ever.

Oh god. They're in Wisconsin. Even better.

The new cast members are being introduced. I smell trouble.

Two of the new dudes are in a relationship. They'll last about 2 weeks.

Sam believes "anything that can go wrong will go wrong." Nice attitude. I bet she breaks her ankle before the episode is through.

"I'm Vanessa and I'm a bitch." Hmm...

Oh god the vocal warmups. The vocal warmups!

Scarf just used the word "lackadasial" (lack-uh-day-zee-uhl). Attention, Scarf. That's not a word. It's lackadaisical. Stripes, on the left, still hasn't spoken. He may be mute. Or maybe they're playing good cop/bad cop.

Scarf is not going to tolerate it this year.

Four people won't be at their first performance. Scarf is angry.

They get in position for the opening. 

Wait... one guy just said, "It's definitely hard learning like the choreography and the music." Ummmm.... What did you think community show choir was going to be???!

This is killing me.

This girl is not very good. I am unsure if she can hear the music, or if she thinks she is on-tempo.

Oh... apparently Scarf likes it. Green Shirt's face is what mine would look like, too.

He's making two guys sing the opening solo together to see who will get it. Purple is nervous!

They leave rehearsal. Green Shirt is angry that she may not get her solo she wants. I tried to get a picture of her looking angry, but now Green Shirt's crying.

Ugh. Commercials. Children's Motrin and Stayfree ultra-thin pads. Guess who they're marketing this show towards???

Plinky music. Showing 2 show choir people who work "at the local hotel" - does this mean there's only 1 in their town!?!?

Literally practicing his song in the hotel pool.

Scarf emphatically says that since everyone in the choir is an adult, they're "going to have to work their asses off" for these solos. Stripes is now just Patterns on the left, and he still hasn't said a damn word or looked at the camera.


The self-proclaimed "bitch", Vanessa, is upset that she may not get her solo she's not very good at anyway.

Scarf begins his speech about how picking solos isn't very easy. I am rolling my eyes.

Greg is very upset that Justin got his solo!!!!

Uh oh. Vanessa didn't get her solo. She is so mad she has to close her eyes.

Oh wait. Stripes just spoke. "If it were up to you, we'd have a group filled with stars and no one who could sing in a vocal ensemble." 
Scarf: "But they would look incredible."
Stripes: "But sound like crap."

They have to leave the rehearsal space the next morning at 5 AM. Disbelief abounds.

Sam is nowhere to be found. This is what she looked like when they said 5 AM the previous evening. I am not surprised she is PNG. 

They leave without her. $10 says she gets kicked out of the choir.

Aubrey complains in the van ride about how Sam not being there means they have to re-block the entire show and it's not fair to them. Oh, boo hoo. 

Where are they going?

Crazy Hair is "sweating beads of sweat" because he has to pee so bad. So he pees in a water bottle. 

Here's where they're going!

They are literally performing at a cow-chip festival. ... Seriously? 

The girls put their fake lashes on at picnic tables. They complain about having an hour to get ready. There's a lot of Caboodles happening.

Scarf talks about how the girls always complain and the boys never do. Welcome to planet Earth?

There's an incident with the tent.

"We are from a small town in Wisconsin and we have one shot to prove to these people that we are a talented group and we can sing and dance your faces off." Thanks, Liv.

Oh god. Here they go. His jacket is literally sparkling in the sunlight. Because IT'S COVERED IN RHINESTONES.

More rhinestone jackets come out. The girls' navy dresses get ripped off for whatever you'd call those multi-color ones.

The audience's reaction at the end of their first song. I do not envy them!!:

They're singing Gaga. I almost saw some vajay-jay.

Oh god. All of a sudden no one's singing. Scarf is UPSET. "PULL IT TOGETHER!"

They are trying so hard.

"We still pulled it off... we overcame the obstacles... blah blah" montage of them having fun at the fair.

Oh apparently it's over.

Ok. Final decision... I will not be making this must-watch in my TV rotation, but I will not be mad if I have to sit down and watch it again. This is INCREDIBLY amusing, but also invokes a little PTSD for me since I was in choir in high school. Are any of you watching this? What did you think??

The One Where I Joined A Choir

I have always loved to sing. According to legend (my mom) I sang before I really talked. Starting around age 7 or 8, I wanted to be either this lady:

Or this one:

I would literally pray before I went to sleep at night that I would wake up with their curly hair. Literally. Prayers were said. Needless to say, it didn't happen. However, I am still obsessed with their 90s tunes. Not a lot compares to 90s Mariah and 80s/90s Whitney. Don't EVEN lie and tell me you don't sing along every time you are listening to Delilah and she plays "I'll Be There" from Mariah's MTV Unplugged set. Don't even try. I know you are lying.

So, anyway, I sang in choirs from elementary school up to college when I had to stop due to the song choices the choir director made (was forced to make?). After college, I took voice lessons just for fun during grad school, but those are expensive so once I no longer had my student loans to fund such adventures, I had to stop singing again. Until last Tuesday. When I became one of the D'Vines of Rancho Cucamonga, California.

I am a busy person. I don't like not having stuff to do, and I was getting restless not having a creative outlet of some sort, so a couple weeks ago I was perusing the city website for community classes in photography and came across the D'Vines, an all-women, no audition necessary, community choir. I'm pretty sure my eyes literally lit up when I saw this as an option. And rehearsals for the season hadn't started yet. Perfect. I paid my fee, and waited eagerly for the first meeting.

And it did NOT disappoint. It is me, a girl in high school, and about 14 ladies who have many, many more moons of life experience under their belts than I. We're talking a LOT of orthopedic sandals here, folks. But it's just so much FUN. Since it's a community choir, it's not all serious like high school choir and it's all women. Sisterhood, sisters doin' it for themselves, sisterhood of the traveling pants, d'vine secrets of the ya-ya sisterhood (see what I did there?)... basically, this:

Our theme for this season's concert is "girl groups" but we're working with a loose interpretation of this theme since one of the songs is The Rose by Bette Midler (the director proclaimed Bette to be a group unto herself) and another song is The Star Spangled Banner (...). At any rate, it's a fun 2 hours to sing out with you bling out (I came up with that just now... also, I don't have any bling, so that hardly applies to me).  

And don't worry - my friends have all promised to attend our final concert and document accordingly, so stay tuned for updates. I don't know if it'll be as awesome as this...

But I sure will try to get us there! It has always been a dream of mine to inspire overall-bedecked youths with the power of song... Also, mad props and shoutout to Sister Mary Patrick! God, I love her!