Who is this lady?

Monday, April 29, 2013

The One Where You Learn My New Anytime Philosophy

So this past weekend was my friend Katie's birthday celebration, as we'll all remember from this little post where I talked about the cookies I was making for her. Well, first, the cookies were a huge smash. Second, we had an excellllent time at dinner at Mess Hall (learn more about this cool place here. Next time, I am demanding a fire pit table!) and then the Dresden afterwards. 

And I'm, like, the best blogger ever, so I took 3 pictures of the entire evening. Wah wah.

1st picture... I also made Katie hand-squeezed lemonade in addition to the cookies. This is how it was transported to her house:

Safety first, people! Also, let the record show that squeezing 6 large lemons still only yielded half a pitcher's worth of lemonade. I need a lemon squeezer! Which is not code for a man! Okay, maybe a little! Anyway!

So I get to Katie and Anthony's and we are discussing where we're going for the night and before we leave, Anthony was telling me about how at the Dresden, they have live music every night. But not just any type of music. Music akin to this:

Except it's the lady who plays the keyboard, not the man. But you get the picture. Naturally, I was excited. And he was totally right. Good job, Anthony.

So we proceed to dinner, where I take the only other 2 pictures of the night. 

Katie with a panda purse in front of her face...

And Mikey's terrifying shoes. And by terrifying, I mean awesome. Side note: Mikey, Amanda, and I painted at Wine & Canvas last weekend. Look at us being artistes:

Anyway, so we ate a TON at Mess Hall, some of us drank a ton, some of us also drank a ton at the Dresden, and some of us may have eaten a few cookies and some Chex mix and pasta salad when we arrived back to Katie and Anthony's house, but I'm not going to name names or point fingers. It was, truly, an excellent birthday. Since mine is coming up in a few weeks (prezzies are always welcome), hopefully I'll remember to take more pics for that! 

Oh, and speaking of birthdays... my new anytime philosophy:

Happy Monday, fools!

Thursday, April 25, 2013

The One Where There Is No Coherent Theme

Well TGIT, people. Thank God It's Thursday. Because Thursday means it's almost Friday! Woohoo!! I also think it's about time for some...

Weekly Obsessions

I hope you know every time I type that, I think it in a trumpet-voice. I hope you do, too.

Okay, here we go:

1) This hysterical song/music video from a little-known country singer named Joanna Smith, called Gettin' Married. I can't. stop. listening. And laughing. 

2) These insanely easy to make and totally delicious cookies. (Click here for the recipe.)

It's literally cake mix, butter, eggs, vanilla. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am. Valentine's Day theme optional. Although who doesn't love some heart-shaped sprinkles any time of the year? I'm baking them for my friend Katie's birthday this weekend. YUM. I must resist eating them all before I get to her house.


I didn't even watch That's So Raven when it was on TV, but I know this was her signature face and putting it on the Mona Lisa is KILLING ME. I literally can't look at that and not laugh and say, like she does, "Ya nasty." Ha!

4) I'm in a very yoga-ish space lately with my workouts. No, this does not mean my road rage is gone. No, this does not mean my yoga pants are fitting any better (thanks to all the crackers & peanut butter I've been eating lately). No, this does not mean I'm going to start telling strangers their aura is looking a little bleak. But it feels good to mix up my workouts every now and then and right now, this is it!

Is she literally sitting in a pond? Is she Jesus?

5) Finally, I don't know how or why I came across this woman, Brene Brown, who does shame and vulnerability research, but O.M.G. Her stuff is amazing. I HAVE to get my hands on her books. 

Just chattin' with Oprah. Sigh. One day!!
She has this amazing blog post about the 6 Types of People Who Do Not Deserve to Hear Your Shame Story. It gave me literally the chills when I was reading it. Are you at a place where you can connect with this in your life right now? Check out the article here

I do not have a lot going on this weekend (shocker!) so I don't know if I'll have much to blog about, but you NEVER KNOW when the good ole muse is going to strike, so who knows. Maybe I'll be a fountain of words. If not, see you all next week!!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

The One Where We Keep Calm Because Summer Is Coming

Holy. Cow.

I just thought about how peaches and nectarines are about to be in season and I literally had to refrain from squealing with joy.

Is there anything better than a fresh summer peach? No.

Except maybe a super fluffy dog. Make that, two super fluffy dogs.

Some other things I always look forward to when summer rolls around:

1) Lazing around at the pool

2) Lazing around at the beach

My favorite beach EVER at Kiawah Island, SC
3) "But... I have to eat ice cream. If I don't, I'll get too hot."

4) Terrrrrrrrible summer tv shows

Chris Harrison means 1 thing: it's Bachelor(ette) Time!!!
5) Corn on the cob

I know, I know. It's still snowing in some parts of the country (not here, THANK GOD) and it doesn't even feel like spring has truly sprung here yet, but IT'S COMING. I KNOW IT'S COMING. 

Something else I feel like we need to talk about that is completely unrelated to the rest of this post... Gwyneth Paltrow. Are you kidding me? She is seriously the most beautiful woman in the world? I protest, mostly on the grounds that she is SO not down with the people, the last thing she needs is even more of an ego boost. I mean for god's sake, she has a recipe for a baked potato on her stupid website that's stuffed with caviar. 


And PS, that better not be your entire dinner. I learned the hard way on my second cruise that eating just a baked potato for dinner does not a smart girl make. 

If I could talk to that girl now, I'd tell her, "You moron. EAT A STEAK."

And there's your lesson for the week. More steak. Less potatoes for dinner. Because when everyone else can get off the boat to go to Papa's and Beer the next day, you will be wishing you were dead. 

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

The One Where I Review a Show About Adult Show Choir... In Wisconsin

Tonight's post is dedicated to my friend and Kappa sister Christina (what up, girl!) who informed me that she was watching a show called Off Pitch on VH1 and wanted to know if I thought it was funny or not so she could proceed accordingly. Now, to be clear, Christina is a very decisive person, so it's not like she's running around always looking for someone to tell her what to think. Rather, I guess I'm her "beacon of what is funny" which HELLO I'd like to make a tshirt that says that. It would look something akin to this:

Designed in haste on ooshirts.com
So, I figured since I had never heard of this show, let alone watched an episode, I'd live-blog my watching the first episode so then we can have a consensus on whether it is funny or not. And by consensus, I mean you will all just read what I think about it. Ok. Here goes.

My neighbors are being loud and I can't tell if I need to be concerned or not. Whatevs. Log on to VH1.com and search for Off Pitch. All I can find in my 2 seconds of looking at the page is Episode 102 - "It's A Sing Off." Perfect. I'm already intrigued. I know nothing about this show, but if I had to guess it'd be a dancing/singing competition. 

Oh look, I'm right.

The episode opens with a review of last week's episode. Some dude with a sweater around his shoulders says they're going to get serious and start taking choreography a lot more seriously. .

So they're going to have a dance-off. The first guy looks... really white.

This girl is clearly a cheerleader.

Oh wait. She's the most star-like. My bad.


The co-directors. You can't make this shit up. Look at that parrot in the background!!!!

Scarf (same man who was Sweater above) is yapping about how this is going to be their best year ever.

Oh god. They're in Wisconsin. Even better.

The new cast members are being introduced. I smell trouble.

Two of the new dudes are in a relationship. They'll last about 2 weeks.

Sam believes "anything that can go wrong will go wrong." Nice attitude. I bet she breaks her ankle before the episode is through.

"I'm Vanessa and I'm a bitch." Hmm...

Oh god the vocal warmups. The vocal warmups!

Scarf just used the word "lackadasial" (lack-uh-day-zee-uhl). Attention, Scarf. That's not a word. It's lackadaisical. Stripes, on the left, still hasn't spoken. He may be mute. Or maybe they're playing good cop/bad cop.

Scarf is not going to tolerate it this year.

Four people won't be at their first performance. Scarf is angry.

They get in position for the opening. 

Wait... one guy just said, "It's definitely hard learning like the choreography and the music." Ummmm.... What did you think community show choir was going to be???!

This is killing me.

This girl is not very good. I am unsure if she can hear the music, or if she thinks she is on-tempo.

Oh... apparently Scarf likes it. Green Shirt's face is what mine would look like, too.

He's making two guys sing the opening solo together to see who will get it. Purple is nervous!

They leave rehearsal. Green Shirt is angry that she may not get her solo she wants. I tried to get a picture of her looking angry, but now Green Shirt's crying.

Ugh. Commercials. Children's Motrin and Stayfree ultra-thin pads. Guess who they're marketing this show towards???

Plinky music. Showing 2 show choir people who work "at the local hotel" - does this mean there's only 1 in their town!?!?

Literally practicing his song in the hotel pool.

Scarf emphatically says that since everyone in the choir is an adult, they're "going to have to work their asses off" for these solos. Stripes is now just Patterns on the left, and he still hasn't said a damn word or looked at the camera.

The self-proclaimed "bitch", Vanessa, is upset that she may not get her solo she's not very good at anyway.

Scarf begins his speech about how picking solos isn't very easy. I am rolling my eyes.

Greg is very upset that Justin got his solo!!!!

Uh oh. Vanessa didn't get her solo. She is so mad she has to close her eyes.

Oh wait. Stripes just spoke. "If it were up to you, we'd have a group filled with stars and no one who could sing in a vocal ensemble." 
Scarf: "But they would look incredible."
Stripes: "But sound like crap."

They have to leave the rehearsal space the next morning at 5 AM. Disbelief abounds.

Sam is nowhere to be found. This is what she looked like when they said 5 AM the previous evening. I am not surprised she is PNG. 

They leave without her. $10 says she gets kicked out of the choir.

Aubrey complains in the van ride about how Sam not being there means they have to re-block the entire show and it's not fair to them. Oh, boo hoo. 

Where are they going?

Crazy Hair is "sweating beads of sweat" because he has to pee so bad. So he pees in a water bottle. 

Here's where they're going!

They are literally performing at a cow-chip festival. ... Seriously? 

The girls put their fake lashes on at picnic tables. They complain about having an hour to get ready. There's a lot of Caboodles happening.

Scarf talks about how the girls always complain and the boys never do. Welcome to planet Earth?

There's an incident with the tent.

"We are from a small town in Wisconsin and we have one shot to prove to these people that we are a talented group and we can sing and dance your faces off." Thanks, Liv.

Oh god. Here they go. His jacket is literally sparkling in the sunlight. Because IT'S COVERED IN RHINESTONES.

More rhinestone jackets come out. The girls' navy dresses get ripped off for whatever you'd call those multi-color ones.

The audience's reaction at the end of their first song. I do not envy them!!:

They're singing Gaga. I almost saw some vajay-jay.

Oh god. All of a sudden no one's singing. Scarf is UPSET. "PULL IT TOGETHER!"

They are trying so hard.

"We still pulled it off... we overcame the obstacles... blah blah" montage of them having fun at the fair.

Oh apparently it's over.

Ok. Final decision... I will not be making this must-watch in my TV rotation, but I will not be mad if I have to sit down and watch it again. This is INCREDIBLY amusing, but also invokes a little PTSD for me since I was in choir in high school. Are any of you watching this? What did you think??