Who is this lady?

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

The One Where We Go Shopping At Marshall's

Please enjoy this stream of consciousness, brought to you by a trip to Marshall's last Friday after work:

"Is that meant for a child? Oh, no. That's the juniors section."

"Overalls? OVERALLS? AGAIN? Overalls. Again. Put down the overalls."

"Maybe if I were a midget this would fit me."

"Maybe if I were a giant this would fit me."


"Damn their shoe section for only carrying shoes up to a size 10!!!"

"Can I squeeze my foot into this?"

"OW. No."

"Maybe if anybody in America knew how to cut pants for girls with big butts these would fit me."

"Wake me UP! Before you GO GO! Don't leave me HANGING' ON like a YOyo!"

"Oooh this suit is cute."

"HAHAHAHAHA this suit looks like rainbow sherbet barfed on me. How much is it?"

"How could someone justify paying $180 for a silk jumpsuit? It's not even Kardashain Kollection."

"I'm still sad Lamar turned out to be such a loser. It's okay, Khloe. Maybe next time know someone longer than 12 days before accepting their marriage proposal."

"Why are all the L and XL workout shirts for women from that company that has the stupid smiley face logo and look like they're for women who have given up on looking cute?"

"They need a Hell No, Would Never Buy This in a Million Years I Cannot Believe I Tried This On hook option in the fitting room instead of just these:

Yes, that is the Sherbet Barf bathing suit featured in the bottom of this picture. No, it was not purchased.

"I think I need these 18 random fleur-de-lis home decoration items just because they are fleur-de-lis."

"Ohhhhh Pat said, what said he, tell me the truth said she..."

"Excuse me, don't mind me just STANDING HERE MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS. Stop texting and watch your child before they ram me with the cart. Please and thank you."

"God, I have to get out of here."

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