The One Where You Learn About Sociopaths and Angel Cats

All right. so, in my recent daily happenings I have seen a few things that I think need to be shared with the general world. Also known as however many of you read this post. Ordinarily, I see at least one thing a week where I'm all, "Oh MAN. Life choices, people!" This week, however, it's been a handful. I figured it was a sign from the universe to get sharing. Here they are, in no particular order.


1)

In case you are having trouble reading the small print on the front, it says "1 in 25 ordinary Americans secretly has no conscience and can do anything at all without feeling guilty. Who is the devil you know?" Wow, thank you, Martha Stout, Ph.D. Like I needed anything else to obsess over when I am lying awake in the middle of the night. According to the Amazon reviews, it's a decent read, but my favorite is the review by someone whose screename is Fresca (really?) and he/she/it writes "Although we all know sociopaths, few of us can recognize their charmed ways of deviousness until we've been taken." Words of wisdom. So... time to fess up. Which one of you is the sociopath I know? Because I sure as HELL know it isn't me considering I feel guilty for even THINKING about taking one of my roommate's chocolate-covered espresso beans without asking. (So, Julia, no, I have not eaten any without prior permission!)

2) 

Sorry for the poor quality. My iPhone is lettin me down!

"What IS that?" You may be asking yourself. And no, I'm not trying to get you to focus on the girl on the right. I'm trying to get you to focus on her gentleman friend on the left, whose hair looks like he started shaving the sides of his head and then the clippers or shaver or whatever it's called ran out of batteries and he had to save the money he could have spent on more batteries so he could buy beers at the bar we were at, so he said "ah, screw it. This looks good" and now we have a sort of mullet, sort of just sad hairdo on our hands. Seriously. WHO THINKS THIS IS A GOOD LOOK?


3) 

Amber, from Clueless. I CAN'T EVEN. There's so much going on here. I literally almost snorted when I first saw this picture. But then I got sad because I remembered I'm not currently watching Clueless and on top of that the days of giant cell phones and clunky remote-control closets are gone, probably never to return. So now all day I've had to resist the urge to go around saying, "He does dress better than I do. What would I bring to the relationship?" Ladies... when you literally find yourself saying that, it's probably a good idea to set him up with your cousin Jake since he is a boy and you are not.


4) 

Again, you are most likely asking yourself, "What IS that?" That, my friends, is an Angel Cat. It can be yours, purchased from SkyMall magazine, for the low, low price of $19.95. I know, too good to be true. Are you looking for that special something to go in the meditation spot in your garden? Or maybe just looking to waste $20 on something that will scare children and adults on the reg? Well, look no further. Angel Cat has you covered. 

All right... side story to this pic. I recently spotted a giant, hilarious metal lion in my around-the-corner neighbor's yard, but didn't take a picture of it so I went on to Google to try and find a replica. Clearly, I did not. And clearly I was led down the dark, dark rabbit hole that is SkyMall magazine. I'm traveling for work next week and I can't WAIT to see what kind of fun, spring-themed products have been added to the SkyMall catalog inventory. 


5) Parents - look away. Everyone else, carry on.

This is NOT PHOTOSHOPPED. I did not take this picture. Amanda took this picture. At her WORK. She shoved her phone into my face with this picture a-blazin and yelled "BLOG ABOUT IT" to me while we were on the dance floor at the Brandin' Iron, so I feel as though I must. Now... the most disturbing part about this picture. Not just the message being conveyed, which... ew. You are not funny. But rather the fact that clearly, there is another license plate out there that actually has the D on the end instead of a makeshift D. WHO IS THAT FIRST PERSON. No, you know what? I don't even want to know. Just, cut it out. 

Hopefully I'll have even better better things to share next week, when I'll be blogging from the GREAT STATE OF PENNSYLVANIA. (I feel like that needed to be emphasized.) Anybody got some hot spots in Pittsburgh I should check out while I am there?

The One Where I Discuss My Random Morbid Curiosities

Okay. I have a serious problem and it's time we address it. I have an intense curiosity (bordering on obsession) about weird, freaky, make-your-skin crawl events. For example, I was totally fascinated and obsessed with that Carnival cruise ship experience from hell from last month.

A passenger literally kissing the ground after the ship docked back in Amurrica

 I L.O.V.E. the TV series Disappeared, which basically is just stories of people who up and vanished one day and there is usually either a sad ending or NO ENDING AT ALL because they still don't know what happened to the person and MY GOD. Can you imagine? My favorite one was about a woman who literally experienced a post-traumatic dissociative fugue and traveled around the country not really knowing who she was or even how old she was. It sounds like someone put a terrible hex on her, but dissociative fugues are real!!

My sister and I are also following the Jodi Arias case relatively closely. Well, maybe me a little more than her. She's busy being a mom and going to nursing school and planning a wedding, but we both agreed it's just a matter of basically minutes before they turn that insane circus into a Lifetime movie. She claims she killed her boyfriend out of self-defense, but then later that same day she went to her OTHER (live) boyfriend's house and had sex with him like everything was totes normal. That is not totes normal. That is totes cray. Plus, she looked like this prior to the trial...

And now during the trial her lawyers told her to look like this...

Psycho.Path.

Not trustworthy.

And now my latest obsession... that sinkhole in Florida that basically opened up and ate a man in the middle of the night. Like, the ground was literally all, "I'm hungry! Time for a human!" and it opened up and he fell SIXTY FEET DOWN into the earth. So now, when I'm lying awake at night, I think "these could be my last moments before a sinkhole opens beneath me."

Not the Florida sinkhole but this is a REAL THING!

But in all reading about all of these things... there's a tiny part of me that finds them strangely exciting. That's weird, right? SOMEBODY PSYCHOANALYZE ME. Except not really. Because god only knows what kind of rabbit hole that would make us crawl down and maybe it's just better to leave some things unexplored. 

In conclusion, I hope I haven't given you too many things to think about before sleeping that will turn into nightmares, but at least my secret's out in the open now. Thank you for talking me through this!