Who is this lady?

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

The One Where You Learn About Sociopaths and Angel Cats

All right. so, in my recent daily happenings I have seen a few things that I think need to be shared with the general world. Also known as however many of you read this post. Ordinarily, I see at least one thing a week where I'm all, "Oh MAN. Life choices, people!" This week, however, it's been a handful. I figured it was a sign from the universe to get sharing. Here they are, in no particular order.


In case you are having trouble reading the small print on the front, it says "1 in 25 ordinary Americans secretly has no conscience and can do anything at all without feeling guilty. Who is the devil you know?" Wow, thank you, Martha Stout, Ph.D. Like I needed anything else to obsess over when I am lying awake in the middle of the night. According to the Amazon reviews, it's a decent read, but my favorite is the review by someone whose screename is Fresca (really?) and he/she/it writes "Although we all know sociopaths, few of us can recognize their charmed ways of deviousness until we've been taken." Words of wisdom. So... time to fess up. Which one of you is the sociopath I know? Because I sure as HELL know it isn't me considering I feel guilty for even THINKING about taking one of my roommate's chocolate-covered espresso beans without asking. (So, Julia, no, I have not eaten any without prior permission!)


Sorry for the poor quality. My iPhone is lettin me down!
"What IS that?" You may be asking yourself. And no, I'm not trying to get you to focus on the girl on the right. I'm trying to get you to focus on her gentleman friend on the left, whose hair looks like he started shaving the sides of his head and then the clippers or shaver or whatever it's called ran out of batteries and he had to save the money he could have spent on more batteries so he could buy beers at the bar we were at, so he said "ah, screw it. This looks good" and now we have a sort of mullet, sort of just sad hairdo on our hands. Seriously. WHO THINKS THIS IS A GOOD LOOK?


Amber, from Clueless. I CAN'T EVEN. There's so much going on here. I literally almost snorted when I first saw this picture. But then I got sad because I remembered I'm not currently watching Clueless and on top of that the days of giant cell phones and clunky remote-control closets are gone, probably never to return. So now all day I've had to resist the urge to go around saying, "He does dress better than I do. What would I bring to the relationship?" Ladies... when you literally find yourself saying that, it's probably a good idea to set him up with your cousin Jake since he is a boy and you are not.

Again, you are most likely asking yourself, "What IS that?" That, my friends, is an Angel Cat. It can be yours, purchased from SkyMall magazine, for the low, low price of $19.95. I know, too good to be true. Are you looking for that special something to go in the meditation spot in your garden? Or maybe just looking to waste $20 on something that will scare children and adults on the reg? Well, look no further. Angel Cat has you covered. 

All right... side story to this pic. I recently spotted a giant, hilarious metal lion in my around-the-corner neighbor's yard, but didn't take a picture of it so I went on to Google to try and find a replica. Clearly, I did not. And clearly I was led down the dark, dark rabbit hole that is SkyMall magazine. I'm traveling for work next week and I can't WAIT to see what kind of fun, spring-themed products have been added to the SkyMall catalog inventory. 

5) Parents - look away. Everyone else, carry on.

This is NOT PHOTOSHOPPED. I did not take this picture. Amanda took this picture. At her WORK. She shoved her phone into my face with this picture a-blazin and yelled "BLOG ABOUT IT" to me while we were on the dance floor at the Brandin' Iron, so I feel as though I must. Now... the most disturbing part about this picture. Not just the message being conveyed, which... ew. You are not funny. But rather the fact that clearly, there is another license plate out there that actually has the D on the end instead of a makeshift D. WHO IS THAT FIRST PERSON. No, you know what? I don't even want to know. Just, cut it out. 

Hopefully I'll have even better better things to share next week, when I'll be blogging from the GREAT STATE OF PENNSYLVANIA. (I feel like that needed to be emphasized.) Anybody got some hot spots in Pittsburgh I should check out while I am there?

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