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Sunday, March 17, 2013

The One Where You Learn Paul Walker Was 26 in She's All That

Happy St. Patrick's Day one and all! Even though I just learned today that St. Patrick's Day has something to do with snakes, which makes me dislike it a little bit, I still like having a reason to wear green and drink a little from time to time. Since I will be picked up by my Super Shuttle at 7:18 tomorrow morning (really? 7:18? We couldn't just say 7:15?) to take me to LAX for my trip to Pittsburgh, I decided to celebrate on St. Patrick's Day Eve (a.k.a. last night) and can I JUST say that if you are ever looking for the best conversation starter ever.... it would be to wear one of these on your head when you go out:

Just a tiny little hat, sitting on a water bottle.

And here it is, on my head.

I mean, honestly. I got 9 comments on it in the first bar we were in alone. So, there's that. I would also JUST like to say that when you are out partying in WeHo (that's West Hollywood for you non-locals), I think running (literally, running) across the street to Pavillion's to use the restroom is 100% a better choice over waiting in line at the packed club. Plus, Pavillion's is open 24 hours, so feel free to take my advice all night, you're welcome. 

Besides thinking about St. Patrick's Day, though, my friend Kitty gave me a BRILLIANT idea for the rest of this post. So here goes, Kitty. Hope this lives up to your expectations. Basically, she Facebook messaged me about how much 90s teen comedies screwed up our generation's expectations for high school/college. Just to clarify, I attended high school from 2001-2005, so if you're around that time period, I think you'll be able to relate. And seriously, the more time you spend thinking about this, the more true it becomes. However, I know you are all busy little bees so I will do the thinking and synthesizing of information for you. Again, you're welcome. 

I mean, besides the obvious ones (like the ridiculous, raging house parties with unlimited keg beer and liquor and the tiny amount of time people seemed to spend actually in class when they're at school and the fact that nobody fell down ONCE while wearing the abundance of platform flip flops we all know were in every single movie and the idea that teenage girls without jobs could afford to give guys serious makeovers at the Gap), let's start with some basics. First up, She's All That.

Thanks a lot, She's All That. Because of your asinine plot and ridiculously good-looking cast, I expected high school to be full of guys who look like Paul Walker...

and mega-awesome beach parties. The fact that I went to high school in landlocked Arizona did not stop me from believing I could potentially be attending beach parties. Also, for the record, Paul Walker was 26 when this movie was filmed. TWENTY SIX. NOBODY WHO IS IN HIGH SCHOOL LOOKS LIKE A 26 YEAR OLD MAN. 

Then came 10 Things I Hate About You (which is still, to this day, one of my very all-time favorite movies and I like to quote it whenever possible, specifically the line about "I'm down, I've got the 411, and you are not going out and getting jiggy with some boy, I don't care how dope his ride is.") but as much as I love this movie, it did set up some pretty ridiculous standards. Such as, first off, THEIR SCHOOL.

Are you kidding me? Also, apparently this is a real high school, though, so some lucky kids somewhere in Washington (?) get to actually attend this institution of learning. 

Next... the ditching school to go play paintball and ride paddle boats together scene!?!? Come ON! What teenage dude is going to come up with that on his own!

Rest in peace, Heath Leder.

Also, let's talk about the common (but incredibly ridiculous) theme these two movies have about BETS. Nobody in high school placed bets on getting girls to date them. Nobody. That just doesn't happen. Because NOBODY IN HIGH SCHOOL HAS MONEY LIKE JOEY DONNER.

Okay, yes, fine, some high school students have money like Joey Donner did. But most likely, they kind of hate themselves and just want love, man, not money.

Next up, another personal favorite...

That's right, Bring It On the original (not 45 million). Where do I even start with this one? 

Cliff Pant-one, who was 21 years old upon filming this movie?

"I look older than everyone else at this school."
Sparky Pulastry, who would have more lawsuits on his hands than spirit fingers if he existed in real life?

The idea that two teenage girls could just drive from San Diego to LA one day after school without telling their parents?

I could not find a pic of them standing next to Missy's Beetle. This will have to do.
Okay, this post could continue for quite a while, but I'll just do one more. Drive Me Crazy. Although this movie gets less love from most people than some other 90s/early 2000s teen comedies, I happen to LOVE this movie. And not just because it was the first time I realized Melissa Joan Hart has SUCH a lazy eye.

First, this movie made me believe that it would be super duper easy to sneak into the school sprinkler system so the lawn would be watered with Cheeto-orange water, which I can't find a screenshot of, but trust. It is a good prank.

Second, it made me think that I had many an afternoon floating in a river on inner tubes with my best girlfriends to look forward to. 

Third, it made me think "if only my neighbor were a cute dude, we would TOTALLY fall in love and drive around in his dad's classic car together after basketball games". 

It's no wonder we were walking around angsty and upset all the time as teenagers. All these movies lied to us! I mean, don't get me wrong. I enjoyed high school a lot (past about freshman year. Freshman year was rough). But I just feel like it would have been so much better if I had a boyfriend who looked like Paul Walker and planned dates like Heath Ledger. Then again, I probably wouldn't have known what to do with myself if I dated someone like that and I would have just giggled nervously a lot and that would have been the end of that. So I guess sometimes, real life works out better in the end. 

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