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Tuesday, March 26, 2013

The One Where Everybody Did NOT Know My Name

Well, I'm back for a hot second and then I'm going home this weekend for Easter, plus more work travel, so I will try to get all the important stuff in before I leave again! And by important, I mean not at all important, but hopefully entertaining slash potentially interesting. 

So for the entirety of last week I was in the great states of Pennsylvania and Ohio observing teachers teach math in their classrooms. That's part of what I do for work, and I love when I get to do observations. Kids are hilarious and if you've ever wanted to feel like a celebrity for a day, call up any of your friends who teach elementary school (middle and high schoolers are too cool to be impressed by much of anything) and ask if you can come hang out in their class. You'll get lots of stares and "MISS WHO IS SHE?!"s and funny questions. So, first, let's talk about how Kids Say And Do And Wear the Darndest Things.

Things I heard/were said to me last week:

1) "You're prettier in person." - Uhhhh... thanks? As opposed to what? 
2) "And I'm like 'Mom, can I stay home and do math?' and she's like 'You gotta go to school!' And then I get home and she's like 'What's 2+2?' And I'm all 'That's easy!'"
3) "One time, I touched a rainbow."

"My favorite part of the story is pombetch" - Uhhh... What?

"If I had a pot of gold, I would hide it in my Nana's messy clozit."
 Kids also have some amazing style. Here's how to dress cool from an elementary student's perspective.

Step 1) [cut a hole in the box] Start with your most obnoxious sneakers. 
Step 2) Pick a theme - hot pink, leopard, camo... whatever you think makes you look most fly.
Step 3) Put on your body as many items that will fit that correspond to the theme. Leopard leggings, shirt, and socks? GET 'EM ON YA.
Step 4) Drop pb&j or juice or something on the front of your shirt.
Step 5) If you're a dude, WWE shirts are always in.

To be clear, I'm NOT hating on this. I wish everyone kept the confidence it takes to wear ridonk outfits like the ones I saw last week because if we just cared a little less about what people thought of us, we might be better off in general. Also, it's not like I looked all that great in elementary school, thanks to the cotton tie-waist shorts my mom made me wear pulled up so high they were practically covering my entire stomach. Plus, when you're 8 years old, but you can fit into women's size clothes already, that makes shopping tricky. Anyway, this post is going in a different direction than it needs to. BACK ON COURSE.

Another fun time I had while bopping around Western PA/Eastern OH...

Was my lunchtime adventure at Strumph's Bar & Grill. The first day of observations, I had about 40 minutes between teachers to eat lunch and according to Yelp, the ONLY thing around the school where I could go and come back in enough time was a pizza place called, like, Pizza Joe's or something. So off I go. Except when I pull into the lot (after almost getting t-boned thanks to a blind corner... hello, adrenaline rush!) Pizza Joe's has a For Rent sign on it. Awesome. So I turn around.... and there's Strumph's. 

It's a small bar, right next to a Curls and Clips (I swear) so I run across the street because I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE (or so I think. I come to find out later there's a Subway about .3 miles from the school. Thanks, YELP.) and YANK the door open... And find I have stepped back in time. This was not a place where everybody knows your name.

Cheers, I love you.
No, picture more of this:

With about 5 people sitting around the bar, smoking, throwing back beers and whiskey (it was 11:30 AM, mind you) while a really old episode of $25,000 pyramid plays on the TV. And I am wearing business casual clothes, carrying my giant Dooney & Bourke work tote. I clearly fit in. 

So everyone turns to stare at me, including this lady whose sunglasses were so dark, I am unsure if she actually saw me and I am equally unsure how she saw the end of her cigarette to light it when she needed a new one. So I slink down into the seat closest to me and tell the girl working behind the bar that "I just need something to eat..." And proceed to order one of the BEST sandwiches I have ever eaten in my entire life. So, that turned out well, actually. But as I'm eating, I'm looking around the bar, where you can purchase a glass of Franzia or Carlo Rossi for $3 (that is an excellent deal) and realize the man sitting at the end of the bar is missing a finger, so I think it may be time to go. So I quickly finished, paid my $5.95 for my sandwich, and hustled back to school, where I proceeded to stand outside in the wind for an entire 5 minutes trying to get the smell of smoke off my coat. 

.... It's always an adventure.

Part 2 to come!

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