The One Where It's Scary... But That's Okay

So last night, I left work and I was really tired and a little PMSy and kind of wanted to go home and just put my face directly into a lasagna, similar to something Garfield the cat would do...

But I had signed up for a late yoga class, so I forced myself to go. And I'm SO GLAD I did. First, there were these 4 8th grade boys in there with their moms who clearly had never done a second of yoga in their lives and so it was interesting to see how far I've come since I took my first yoga class a few years ago, because I'm sure I looked like they did (or worse). What's that called? Social downward comparison theory? Regardless, it works. I felt like a rockstar.

Then I felt like a DOUBLE rockstar because I DID A HANDSTAND! Assisted, but still. I was a little afraid I was going to kick my preg instructor in the face, but I didn't. And let me tell you something, realizing you can do a handstand kind of makes you feel invincible. 

I wanted to insert a cool picture representing how invincible I felt (since my personal photographer had the night off and was not there to document this handstand business) but if you google invincible, all you get are pictures from comic books and boats named Invincible. Use your imaginations.

Anyway, I was scared to try this handstand thing, because let's be honest - throwing your legs off the ground and relying on your arms to hold you up can be kind of scary when you haven't been lifting weights like a champ your entire life. BUT IT WORKED. And then my the instructor said she's teaching a whole workshop on inversions next Sunday. And my stomach clenched thinking about a whole 2 hours of that. But then I thought, "that is EXACTLY why I should sign up for it." So I did. 

And then when I was driving home, I started thinking about all the things I was scared to try, but once I did, I'm so glad that I did because now, I know that I hate it (unusual, but Pure Barre, I'm looking at you) or (more likely) I like/love it. 

Some examples that fall into the I Tried It and I Like/Love It Category:

1) Running. 

Shelly and me after our first half marathon

We've been over this, but just to rehash, I never ran. Ever. Then I started. And now I like it. Love is still a bit of a stretch. But running is firmly in my Like category.

2) Sushi.

I was afraid of raw fish. UNTIL I ATE IT and realized my life would be incomplete without this deliciousness. I'd be happy eating sushi twice a week. My bank account, however, would not be. 

3) Roller coasters.

The thought of voluntarily going on a machine that takes me upside down at ridiculous speeds?? Um, why? But again, THEN I TRIED IT and I realized the nausea you feel afterwards is a small price to pay for the adrenaline rush!!

4) Driving.

Let me explain... when I was about 8, we were visiting my aunt and she let me drive her super fancy pants Lexus golf cart (complete with A/C and tape deck thankyouverymuch) around her neighborhood. Well, at one point we made a U-Turn but instead of hitting the brake, I hit the gas and ended up almost driving us into a water meter. SCARRED FOR LIFE. Except really only like 8 years. I'll never forget getting into the car for the first time after I got my learner's permit with my dad and my heart literally felt like it was going to beat out of its chest. But we started slow. No U-Turns. And guess what... now I definitely Like driving. Usually too fast, but I have places to be, people!

5) Singing karaoke.

Killin' it in my birthday crown up in Big Bear

So, first, I have a pretty good voice, all right? Let's just get that out of the way. But back in 3rd grade (8 was apparently a rough year for me) my best friend at the time (who I am no longer friends with. She has since turned cray...) convinced me my voice was not very good and she was a better singer than me and I should just stop trying. I held onto that thought for YEARS. Pretty much all the way through college. In high school, I did choir, but nearly crapped myself before the audition, even though my song was really easy and I knew I was going to do fine. I NEVER tried out for solos and in college I refused to try out for the small jazz ensemble I would have LOVED to sing in because of her voice in the back of my head telling me I wasn't good enough. Never mind that I hadn't even spoken to her in over 5 years at this point... her voice still played in my head. Well. Then I met Amanda. And basically, she has taught me first, not to hide my light under a basket and second that someone's always going to be negative to you or about you. FORGET THEM. Do it anyway. Be fabulous. I sang karaoke for the first time with her (in the room... not her singing with me!) and even though I shook like a little newborn lamb, I did it. And then I was hooked. Now, I LOVE karaoke. I'll sing it dead sober. I'll sing it with a live band, with a karaoke track, whatever. I LOVE it.

So, as I've said previously, be scared. Do it anyway. You never know what you'll discover you like. What things have you tried that scared you but you're glad you tried it???

The One Where Everybody Did NOT Know My Name

Well, I'm back for a hot second and then I'm going home this weekend for Easter, plus more work travel, so I will try to get all the important stuff in before I leave again! And by important, I mean not at all important, but hopefully entertaining slash potentially interesting. 

So for the entirety of last week I was in the great states of Pennsylvania and Ohio observing teachers teach math in their classrooms. That's part of what I do for work, and I love when I get to do observations. Kids are hilarious and if you've ever wanted to feel like a celebrity for a day, call up any of your friends who teach elementary school (middle and high schoolers are too cool to be impressed by much of anything) and ask if you can come hang out in their class. You'll get lots of stares and "MISS WHO IS SHE?!"s and funny questions. So, first, let's talk about how Kids Say And Do And Wear the Darndest Things.

Things I heard/were said to me last week:

1) "You're prettier in person." - Uhhhh... thanks? As opposed to what? 
2) "And I'm like 'Mom, can I stay home and do math?' and she's like 'You gotta go to school!' And then I get home and she's like 'What's 2+2?' And I'm all 'That's easy!'"
3) "One time, I touched a rainbow."


4)

"My favorite part of the story is pombetch" - Uhhh... What?

5)

"If I had a pot of gold, I would hide it in my Nana's messy clozit."

 Kids also have some amazing style. Here's how to dress cool from an elementary student's perspective.

Step 1) [cut a hole in the box] Start with your most obnoxious sneakers. 
Step 2) Pick a theme - hot pink, leopard, camo... whatever you think makes you look most fly.
Step 3) Put on your body as many items that will fit that correspond to the theme. Leopard leggings, shirt, and socks? GET 'EM ON YA.
Step 4) Drop pb&j or juice or something on the front of your shirt.
Step 5) If you're a dude, WWE shirts are always in.

To be clear, I'm NOT hating on this. I wish everyone kept the confidence it takes to wear ridonk outfits like the ones I saw last week because if we just cared a little less about what people thought of us, we might be better off in general. Also, it's not like I looked all that great in elementary school, thanks to the cotton tie-waist shorts my mom made me wear pulled up so high they were practically covering my entire stomach. Plus, when you're 8 years old, but you can fit into women's size clothes already, that makes shopping tricky. Anyway, this post is going in a different direction than it needs to. BACK ON COURSE.

Another fun time I had while bopping around Western PA/Eastern OH...

Was my lunchtime adventure at Strumph's Bar & Grill. The first day of observations, I had about 40 minutes between teachers to eat lunch and according to Yelp, the ONLY thing around the school where I could go and come back in enough time was a pizza place called, like, Pizza Joe's or something. So off I go. Except when I pull into the lot (after almost getting t-boned thanks to a blind corner... hello, adrenaline rush!) Pizza Joe's has a For Rent sign on it. Awesome. So I turn around.... and there's Strumph's. 

It's a small bar, right next to a Curls and Clips (I swear) so I run across the street because I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE (or so I think. I come to find out later there's a Subway about .3 miles from the school. Thanks, YELP.) and YANK the door open... And find I have stepped back in time. This was not a place where everybody knows your name.

Cheers, I love you.

No, picture more of this:

With about 5 people sitting around the bar, smoking, throwing back beers and whiskey (it was 11:30 AM, mind you) while a really old episode of $25,000 pyramid plays on the TV. And I am wearing business casual clothes, carrying my giant Dooney & Bourke work tote. I clearly fit in. 

So everyone turns to stare at me, including this lady whose sunglasses were so dark, I am unsure if she actually saw me and I am equally unsure how she saw the end of her cigarette to light it when she needed a new one. So I slink down into the seat closest to me and tell the girl working behind the bar that "I just need something to eat..." And proceed to order one of the BEST sandwiches I have ever eaten in my entire life. So, that turned out well, actually. But as I'm eating, I'm looking around the bar, where you can purchase a glass of Franzia or Carlo Rossi for $3 (that is an excellent deal) and realize the man sitting at the end of the bar is missing a finger, so I think it may be time to go. So I quickly finished, paid my $5.95 for my sandwich, and hustled back to school, where I proceeded to stand outside in the wind for an entire 5 minutes trying to get the smell of smoke off my coat. 

.... It's always an adventure.

Part 2 to come!

The One Where You Get a Quick Look at My Life for the Past Four Days

Oh people. I have so much to update you on, but I am writing this on a computer in my hotel's business center, and I don't want to write a full entry with all my normal pictures, etc. on here. BUT. You have so much coming your way from me. Including:

1) A rant about how tiny the signs are that tell you which lane to be in when driving through Pittsburgh
2) A full detailed account of my lunch in a bar
3) Kids Say (And Wear and Do) the Darndest Things (also, side note: who would send their child to school wearing a shirt that said Trick Daddy on it?)
4) A rantette (small rant) about hotel gyms
5) Pictures of the funny things I have seen out here
7) Pure Barre (ever wanted to feel the most out of shape and fat you've ever felt in your entire life? Take a Barre class.)
8) Justin Timberlake's 20/20 Experience
6) Whatever else I feel like writing about

I hope you are all having a fun week. And that it's warmer by you than it is here because when I woke up this morning it was 14 degrees (Fahrenheit, which I'm pretty sure translates to like negative a million Celsius. Also, can someone please explain to me why we still don't measure things in Celsius or metric?)

Just because I can't leave you without one picture.... another driving dog to hold you over.

"Dudeeeeee... I am so cool."

Peace, love, and hugz,

NancePants

The One Where I Talk About Taco Tuesday, But Only In A Way That Makes Me Wish I Went to Taco Tuesday

Oh hey look at that! It's Tuesday again! Gotta love Tuesdays. So much happens on Tuesdays. Like, almost the same stuff you did on Monday except now you're one day closer to your next weekend. And new CDs get released on Tuesday. WAIT. Who buys CDs anymore? Oh right, me. I also am a fan of Taco Tuesday, although I don't have a go-to Taco Tuesday place around here, so if you have any recommendations, lemme know. 

Other things that are gonna happen on this Tuesday: I'm going to write about my fantastic weekend with my friend Christa (prepare yourself for a lot of pics) and about the book I just finished for my book club that's coming up this Sunday. 

First things first... So Christa got here (without plane issues UNLIKE LAST TIME thankyousweetbabyjesusinthesky) and we proceeded to sit out on my patio for 3 hours because the weather was like this:

Again, thank you Google

And we ate strawberries and did some information exchanging (read: gossiping) and basically it was heaven. So then we proceeded on to dinner, like all normal humans do...

After dinner. Christa is good at taking selfies

And then she had NEVER SEEN BRIDESMAIDS WHAT so we watched that. Please, by all means, either say out loud or text your best friend your favorite Bridesmaids quote right now since I just reminded you how much you love that movie. I'm a fan of "It's civil rights. This is the 90s." I like to say it when it's 100% not appropriate but that's how I know we're going to be friends is if you laugh or not. Don't say you weren't warned. 

So, anyway, Saturday rolled around and we (after going to a Nike Training Club workout class at the gym, which... woof) we drove on down to Stone Brewery

I love any excuse to put a driving dog in my posts

And met up with some of my friends for a delicious and nutritious lunch. Or as my father would say, a repast. 

Gang's all here!

We're normal. And then it was time to head down to San Diego itself. I love that place. We did what ladies do on Saturday nights - stood around drinking $10 drinks when we could have made them at home for free, but whatever.

I'm on the left, Christa's on the right.

What am I looking at?

BRIGHT. SO BRIGHT.

Rooftop bar what's up!

Action shot!

True lovez

The Hard Rock...

The second place we stopped at was The Hard Rock hotel. Which was fun. But there were a bunch of people there and we could not tell (legitimately) if they were with a prom or a shotgun wedding because they all looked LIKE BABIES.

Ok, fine, it was not this extreme but you get the picture

And right before we left, the Creepiest Creeper wearing a white suit jacket tried to attack. We dodged his advances and slipped down to the elevator so we could get pizza before settling in to catch our zzzzs. 

The Next Morning... eating breakfast! WHY must I be so PALE

And, like all good things, our time together came to an end. EXTREME SAD FACE. I hope Christa and I see each other before another 2 years goes by, but you never know.  So I came home and distracted myself from my feelings of sadness not with chocolate (win) but with this hilarious book:

We're reading it for my book club which is meeting on Sunday and I am so glad we did because I kind of peed a little from laughing at some parts. The woman who wrote it, Jenny Lawson, wrote one of my favorite blog entries of all time about a giant tin chicken. If you haven't read it, do yourself a favor, put on a diaper, and then read here. If you have read that book, what did you think??

Well, there's no rest for the wicked so I'm off ... to SLEEP. HELLO. Do I look wicked? 

The One Where I Didn't Get Carded

You know how there are some people in your life who you can go for literally years without seeing and it truly doesn't matter because you can just pick up where you left off? Tonight, I had dinner with one of those people - my friend (and for part of our time at college, roommate) Lauren. Her boyfriend Patrick also tagged along. I give him a thumbs up - and not just because his hair does this cool swoopy thing. 

This is me and Lauren in college. Totally sober. (Not joking.) And yes, I used to be blonde.

So they spent the day at Disneyland and since I work about 45 minutes from The Happiest Place On Earth (As Long As You're Not Crying, And It's Not Too Hot, And The Lines Aren't Too Long), I decided to meet them for dinner at Downtown Disney. So, I head down there...

Who comes up with this stuff?!?

After I park my car, I'm walking to the restaurant and there are a few people walking behind me, clearly teenagers.

Google "teenagers" and this pops up on your image search. I have so many snarky things to say about this.

As we're walking, I hear what sounds like a bus honking. And one of these teens behind me says, "Oh! I didn't know there was a boat here!" Like... whaaaaat? How do you not know the difference between a bus horn and a boat horn? Unless you're used to buses that turn into boats, like such:

Anyway. Confusing. So I get to the restaurant and am there slightly early, so I head to the bar to get a glass of wine whilst waiting. And I don't even get carded. Which... fine (read: not fine). But as I relay this information to Calla via text (also known as the other half of Nalla, also known as my just plain other half; you'll learn more about her later) I become slightly indignant and then I text Calla "I mean, I could be a cop, okay buddy? If you don't ID, I'm taking you to jail!" To which she suggested I carry around a fake badge for just such an occasion, and this prompted me to think about looking for the badge from my cop Halloween costume from a couple years ago. Hello!

Me arresting my now-roommate, Monique (a.k.a. Mother Nature)

So then Lauren and Patrick arrive and, it was so nice to catch up with my old friend and make a new one. We also ate delicious food - hello tortilla frites! I also basically job interviewed Patrick, as ANY GOOD FRIEND WOULD DO, just to make sure he passed. He did. Even though he admitted to eating and liking sardines and pickled herring, to which I asked "Are you from Old Germany?" And he said, "No, Iceland." Excellent. I'm sure you've had the experience where the evening is clearly ending and you just don't want it to because you're having such a nice time. So to delay the inevitable, we took pics. Obvi. 

Patrick's swoopy hair and the bella Lauren - they knew each other in high school, but just reconnected a couple years ago. I LOVE when that happens for people. 

Us laughing at Patrick taking 14 pictures.

Ahhh, glorious. Just what I needed today. 

On to more adventures tomorrow! 

The One Where I Begin

Oh, my. So here we are, Internet. The time has come. For me to have a blog. (Which I always spell glob the first time I try to type it. If only those two words meant the same thing!) I feel like a moron writing this, knowing that probably only about 4 of my closest friends will ever read this. Whatevs. I hope one day to be a glob blog some stranger comes across and reads (secretly?) at work during a slow day and then that person tells their friend and they tell their friend and bam I'm up to 7 whole readers. What's the point of dreaming if it's not going to be a big one, right?

Anyway... pour yourself a glass of (circle one, or mix appropriately):

a) orange juice 
b) wine
c) vodka

and settle in for Story Time With Nan because I'm starting with a good one. Okay, fine, I'm starting with a decent one. Cut me some slack - it's my first entry. 

So... imagine this is me, bopping along to my haircut appointment in my car this morning:

"Turn up that Celine Dion!"

Except that's not me, that's a dog. You get the gist. Anyway, so I pull off the freeway and I'm waiting for the light to change and a truck pulls up next to me. But not just any old truck.

Snorefest.

No, not that boring truck. But one that's advertising some type of water removal business. Like when your house is flooded and you need the water to NOT be in your life anymore. Not like "got some extra water laying around? We'll remove it!" And I look over and this is what I see:

Again, taken at  STOPLIGHT not while DRIVING.

And I'm looking at this and I'm like "... That looks like the same guy. Not two different guys. And with the arm around the shoulder and the thumbs up, it looks like this guy is having a love affair WITH HIMSELF." And then I look again (this was one really long light) and I read, as you can, too, "Twice the service, twice the care!!" (Note the double exclamation point, like a sorority girl edited it.) (I can say that because I WAS ONE.) And then I think "Man. Those "brothers" (because I'm still not convinced that is two different people) must have really wanted to be in a Doublemint commercial back in the day. And now they're doing water removal instead. Talk about twice the sad." 

All of this led me to think about something else interesting I saw a couple weeks ago. This does not involve a truck. It does, however, involve a vanity license plate. Now. I have a problem with vanity license plates. Even though my mom had a vanity license plate on the car she had before the one she drives now. God only knows what possessed her to pay an extra whatever amount of dollars to declare to the world that she was driving a Cadillac. Oh WAIT you can see what kind of car it is by LOOKING AT THE CAR. Mom, I love you, but I'm glad you grew out of that phase. Anyhoot, the other night, I was driving.... somewhere. Don't remember where. Probs to buy frozen yogurt. And I spy THIS:

"By having a vanity license plate, I can tell the world how unique I am! So brilliant and not at all douchey!"

And I immediately narrow my eyes in suspicion. Because without other context clues, this looks like it means "Hourly Lover." Am I right?! (The answer is yes.) And I'm staring at this car and I'm like "Lady. (I could see it was a lady. I was not just assuming.) Get a grip on yourself. Why would you tell the entire world you're a prostitute?" And we drive a little further and I see a couple Harley stickers on her window. Harley, as in motorcycles. Ohhhhhhhhh. I get it now. But I'm still going to assume you're a prostitute. 

The moral of this entire story is: 1) If you look exactly like your brother, differentiate yourselves in your truck advertising picture so innocent bystanders will not assume it is one person repeated. 2) Make sure when getting your vanity plate from the DMV you do NOT potentially imply you are a "lady of the night" if that's not what you're going for. That's why God gave you friends. So they can help prevent this from happening. 

More musings to come. Along with more ridiculous pictures of dogs driving. 

Stay tuned...