The One Where You Learn Bieber Is Only 5'6"

So, being six feet tall has some serious advantages. First, I can reach things off high shelves. Second, I have an automatic reason to ride shotgun over most people. Third, I can navigate through the crowds at Disneyland easier since I can see over everyone's head and see where the breaks in the crowd are. Fourth, my long legs get me places quickly (for example, the Starbucks in the airport when I only have 35 minutes between flights and I landed at gate A2 and leave out of gate A78). So, ya know, being tall pretty much rules. 

FYI, don't try to google Tall People Unite, which I did to try to find a picture to put here. Strange, foul things come up. Just trust me and move on.

I don't normally go around thinking about how tall I am, unless I'm standing next to a particularly short person or I'm standing next to someone significantly taller than me, which has only happened maybe four or five times in my ENTIRE LIFE. I do, however, think about my height more when looking at celebrities because seriously guys, most celebrities are SO MUCH SMALLER than you think they are.

I mean, The Biebs is only 5'6".

Granted, this picture is kinda old, but he has not experienced a growth spurt since this photo was taken, I am positive

Usher is only 5'8"!

Kind of looks like he's doing Gangam Style, amirite???

Tom Cruise has a whole buncha crazy packed into 5'7".

This just screams "mentally stable."

A few other notably short male celebs: 

Michael J. Fox - 5'4"
Robert Downey, Jr. 5'7"
Mark Wahlberg 5'8"
Daniel Radcliffe - 5'5"
Ryan Seacrest - 5'8"

(PS - All these heights were taken from Googling "how tall is [fill in the blank], so obviously if I read it on the internet, it must be true.)

Now, OBVIOUSLY, I am aware that the odds of me even standing next to one of these guys in my life are small. So I don't really have to worry about taking a picture with any of them, especially in heels, and embarrassing them by towering over them like some fabulous goddess. 

Much like this.

But in my real life, I have found a lot of guys are intimidated by, or simply not attracted to, taller girls. I was listening to Wake Up With Taylor on XM's Cosmo Radio the other day and she is doing a segment this month called 30 Guys in 30 Days and the guy they were interviewing said while he himself is only 5'8" (he's Puerto Rican), he prefers girls who are "pretty small, like almost diminutive." And I thought to myself... Okay, well, first I thought "Hey BUDDY you'd be lucky to date someone tall and fabulous! I don't think you could handle it!" And then when I got ahold of myself I thought, I can kind of understand that because I'd love to date a guy who makes me feel small, but realistically the odds of that happening are basically NIL. I've only dated 1 guy who was taller than me (by half an inch). The rest have all been shorter. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, you can't discriminate against a potential dating partner because of their height. Which is not to say I don't find it vaguely annoying when I see a couple and the girl is like 4'9" and the guy is like 6'7", because I do. But I think more dudes need to be open to dating a girl who can easily reach stuff off the top shelf at the grocery store, even if they cannot. I mean, let's all just let Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman set a good example for us, shall we?

So much love for them.

So, if you're still looking for your perfect match (short, tall, medium, or otherwise) let this bring you some chuckles in the meantime. And a moment of gratitude that there truly is someone out there for everyone.

Is she holding an ocelot? What kind of animal is this?

   

The One Where I Get A Song Called Pontoon Stuck In Your Head For The Whole Day

You know how sometimes there are those moments in life that come around and you look at them and think "I have to grab this while it's here"? Well, that was Wednesday night. A.K.A. The night I stood 8 feet from Little Big Town and I was so happy! 

So Monday afternoon, I get one of those automatic texts from Toby Keith's I Love This Bar & Grill letting me know Little Big Town will be performing there Wednesday nights. Doors open at 5 PM. Tickets are $10. You get in, you get in, otherwise, too bad for you! So I text Amanda with this information. 

Her: "What!!! Let's go!!!" 
Me: "If you're in, I'm in."
Her: "IN!" 

Because that's how we make decisions. 

So I proceeded to listen to this song about a hundred times in the next two days:

On the PONTOON! 

And off we go on Wednesday. The line is long, maybe too long, we might not make it in. It is freezing. (And by freezing I mean like 60 degrees). We have to stand by some girl yelling about how some guy she wants to bang invited his ex-girlfriend on the group Vegas trip and now he and ex are getting their own room. Things look bleak.

Bleak.

 LUCKILY, we made it in. And instead of doing as Toby tells us and proceed to party (ahem, Shelly Sloper) we proceed to bathroom. And then proceed to bar to get drinks/food. 

A pic from their menu. Hat not included. Unfortunately.

 So then we spot a guy who looks almost exactly like Billy Currington. 

Close to this.

He has pals. We are intrigued. So first we get our bar neighbors to take a picture of us...

Then we decide we're going over. Our conversation starter? 

(Directed at the guy wearing Nikes... in a country bar... who we just saw doing a little prance): "Hey man, nice Nikes. I bet they help you prance as opposed to boots, which would just be too restrictive." 

Drinks are purchased, we have made friends. And then... Little Big Town is on!!!!

Love love love

Square dancing.

More singing!!!

SO AMAZING. I am so glad we went. I am so glad we decided to take that moment life presented us and just roll with it. I want to do more of that.

Now, if you don't hate me too much, let's get on with it...

Weekly Obsessions

Numero Uno) People who work out... in JEANS. As Calla said, doesn't that seem like you're putting yourself on the fast track to a Down There infection? I can't imagine choosing to work out in jeans. 

Jeans don't breathe! Jeans arent' flexible! Just... no. They sell sweatpants at Wal Mart for $5. I'm about to post a sign at my gym.

However, seeing people working out in jeans DOES make me think of a jarty. See definition here. Who doesn't like thinking about jarties? Sad people. That's who. I have a whole entire Pinterest board devoted to a Jarty.

The original inspiration.

You can follow me on Pinterest. Just a warning, I post a lot of funny things with really foul language (Mother, avert your eyes), so if you don't want to read that, you probably shouldn't follow me haha. But I also pin awesome stuff, too, so... ya know.

Numero Dos) This video I found on Pinterest. It takes a little while to get going, but it's TOTALLY worth it!!!

Numero Tres) This picture of an elephant meeting a sea lion. OMG I CAN'T EVEN HANDLE IT. I wish I was as happy as this elephant looks every day.

Here's a link to the original Huffington Post article where this pic was taken from.

Have an awesome weekend!!!

The One Where We Discuss Basil

Ok. First. Drum roll please...

As of today, I have successfully kept my basil plant alive for over a month! (Tricked ya there with the drum roll, didn't I? You thought for SURE I'd have something super exciting to share like I just won a free Forever Lazy or something, right?)

This may seem like a small feat, but TRUST - it is not. I was un-blessed with two things in this life: the first being fine motor skills, the second being the ability to keep plants/a garden.

Now, yes, okay, fine, I have decent fine motor skills. Like I can cut an apple. And usually color between the lines. But for anything much more advanced than that... good luck, honey. This is sort of strange since my father is a dentist which requires mad fine motor skills, and my mom needlepointed our family stockings one year, which is just one example of her insane fine motor skills and I've trusted my sister to apply eyelash extensions on me, which also requires steady paws.

You don't want an amateur or a drunk doing this to you!

This lack of fine motor skills is somewhat of a running joke in my family and I think the following story best illustrates just how terrible they are. When I was in 2nd grade, our class made a quilt and everyone (including the boys) sewed a little 4"x4" square of the quilt. We all got to pick what fabric we could use for our square and one of the classroom volunteer moms taught us the basics of sewing. Guess how long it took me to complete my square... An ENTIRE EXTRA WEEK'S WORTH OF RECESS.

A relatively accurate representation of what I'm sure my face looked like through this whole process...

I was the last person to finish, including all the boys. Looking back, I realize I maaaaaay have partially been taking my time because recess was kind of hell for me considering I was a large child and running/playing was unappealing to me, especially in Arizona in August. Since then, guess how many things I've sewn... a big fat zero. I literally take my clothes to my dry cleaners so she can fix my fallen hems. Oh well. I've got more important things to do!

Anyway, the second thing I was un-blessed with was this lack of plant-taking-care-of ability. A lot of it stems from the fact that I am constantly forgetting to water my plants. This time around, though, I put it right above my sink so I have no choice but to stare at it every single time I'm rinsing off dishes or getting a glass of water. So I think that forced attention has been the key to its survival. I mean, just look at it!

Now who wants to come over for some pesto?? Okay, but seriously, if you are coming over for pesto, please bring the pine nuts, olive oil, and whatever fancy cheese we need to add because I don't have any of that...

One final thing, in case you need a good chortle - the updated Mona Lisa. This is both funny and nauseating to me at the same time.

Does she kind of look like Snooki? I can't tell!

xoxo,
Gossip Nance

The One Where We Talk About Beyonce

Before we really get going here, let me just say I thought Queen B KILLED IT during the Super Bowl Halftime Show. Sorry, the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome. So, you have three choices. 

1) You can say "GIRL, you're CRAZY. That was TERRIBLE." And keep reading anyway.
2) You can say "GIRL, you're CRAZY. That was TERRIBLE." And stop reading.
3) You can say "GIRL, you're RIGHT!" And keep reading.

Continue as you must. 

Let me state by saying that I've never been a huge fan of Beyonce's. I feel like she does too many unnecessary vocal rifts that can border on screechy in some of her songs (prime examples: Ave Maria and Emotion). I fear she is a giant, enormous diva in real life who demands the air around her be a stable 76 degrees at all times and if you look at her the wrong way, you're fired. I wish I knew more about her and Jay-Z as a couple, which translates into I wish she was less private about her private life. Also, this: 

I don't really trust anyone who names their offspring after types of fruit (I'M LOOKING AT YOU, GWYNETH) or crayons.

That being said, she has won me over with her INSANE weave and killer Sasha Fierce eyes. Lest we forget, here is a link to the video of her performance: 

I love how the announcer, at the very beginning, says, "And we are just seconds away from the arrival of Beyonce." Because EVERY PERSON who is watching this knows who she is. I'm pretty sure you'd have to be blind and deaf with a terribly boring Anne Sullivan to not know who she is. I can't even FATHOM what it must be like to be her. But I sure would like to find out! 

So after I watched this, I immediately thought "I must get myself to the gym!" so that's where I headed. And proceeded to listen to Beyonce and Destiny's Child songs throughout my entire workout. In case you're wondering, my favorite Beyonce song is Schoolin' Life. If you haven't heard it, you must. It pumps me up every single time I listen it. I could be doing the dishes and this song will come on and I'll be like "YEAH! DISHES!" And they get done 14% faster, I swear. 

I am also an enormous fan of the Destiny's Child song Survivor. Not that I've really experienced a lot of hardship in my life (hi, I grew up in a white, upper-middle-class household) but whenever I listen to this song, I'm all like "YEAH! I AM a survivor! Gonna surround myself with POSITIVE THINGS! GAIN that PROSPERITY!"

And, of course, when it's just one of those days when the entire universe and everyone in it is annoying you, I always relate to Bug-A-Boo. "YEAH! You DO make me wanna tell MCI to cut the phone cord! SO WHAT you bought me a pair of shoes!"

Also, can we talk for a hot second about all the different versions of Destiny's Child there have been?

Version 1:

Version 2:

That doesn't even look like Beyonce in the middle. It's an alien impostor!

Version 3:

I tried to read the entire Wikipedia article about the group, so I could determine why the lineup changed so much, but it was very lengthy. Slash I am lazy. Regardless, the length of the article fuels my deep-seated fear of Beyonce's potential divaness. But for now, I am still convinced she is awesome. HATERS TO THE LFET.

The One Where It Looks Like a 5 Year Old Put This Post Together

Happy Super Bowl Sunday/Beyonce Day! I myself have no plans to watch the Super Bowl, but you can bet I'll be watching the halftime show. I am super excited to watch Queen B own that stage! First up in this post...

Weekly Obsessions!

Number 1) Last Sunday, we had friends over for dinner (and by "we" I mean my roommates and by "had them over for dinner" I mean I did none of the cooking) and I was requested to be the dessert maker for the evening. So I hemmed and hawed over what to make...

Google "hem and haw" and this is what comes up. I don't like it.

And I finally decided I was going to make this Greek yogurt/peanut butter pie. I wasn't sure about it when I first ate some... then I froze it and it was ten times more amazing. The recipe is here for those interested and this is more or less what you can expect it to look like:

Picture courtesy of GirlGoneMom.com

Number 2) The movie Fantastic Mr. Fox, which I watched on Monday night while doing laundry... I mean, doing anything else that does not make me sound so adult and lame. I had never seen it before, rented it from the library (holla free movie rentals!) and I loved it SO much. Recommend to everyone and their mom (including my own mom). 

George Clooney is even hot as a fox. There's another pun in there somewhere involving him being foxy while being a fox, but I'm not gonna do all the work for you on that one.

Number 3) This song! So much fun to run to! How We Do (Party) by Rita Orr. 

This song is going to be the theme of my sister's nursing school graduation/bachelorette party. I feel bad for anyone who will come into contact with us that night since all we'll be doing is yelling "WE WANNA PARTY AND BULLSHIT! AND PARTY AND BULLSHIT!" at them. If it happens to you, don't say you weren't warned.

Speaking of my sister, Laura... She, her fiance Ryland, the dog Paws, and my mom all came here for a quick visit last night. Long story short, Paws is now living with Ryland instead of my sister and they traded him at my house, which is the halfway point between them. From the second she arrived in my driveway, Laura was asking if I was going to "take a picture and blog about this?!" So, yes. I took lots and lots of pictures of this 18 hour adventure so let's take a little visual journey, shall we? Full disclosure: I tried to like arrange these pictures and make comments by them, but I guess I don't really know how to totally do that, so sorry this is so janky. 

We started with a healthy snack of water crackers and cookie butter and white wine. Snack of champions.

Wine time! 

Paws really wanted some cookie butter, too, but his wish was never granted.

 Laura, telling stories. Amanda, unsure if she believes what Laura is saying.

  

"Picture Homer Simpson, in a wig, with a retainer!" 

Not 100% sure what was happening here...

Then I just had to take a picture of Ryland wearing his CROCS AND SOCKS so I could publicly shame him about them on here and Facebook. What. The. Heck. As my mom said, it's obviously true love if my sister is willing to accept this "fashion" choice.

Laura's wedding dress (which Ryland has seen, so it's okay if he sees it) and their Save the Dates! Eeek! So excited for Hawaiian wedding!!

And Amanda and I were unintentional twinsies. And since we were at my house, I had to change, so....

I tried on Ryland's shirt as a joke and we decided I looked like a lesbian. This was WAY funnier when we were taking the picture. Now it just looks kind of sad!





  We clearly needed more wine.

 

"Gang's all here!"

     

           

TRUE CRAB LURVE (Celine Dion love).

 

                                                                                                              At the end of the night. I think my mom was cry-laughing.

This is apparently how Paws likes to snuggle before bed.

Overall, a really fun night! Everyone had to get back on the road to head home this morning, but even a short visit is better than nothing. Looking forward to more family shenanigans at Easter!