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Sunday, July 13, 2014

The One Where My Car Was Thieved

First, you better grab a snack because this is going to be one long story. Second, yes, you read that title correctly - my car was thieved from me by someone. But this isn't your typical stolen car story (? I don't even know what a typical car thieving story would be). No, rather, this happened while I was at the Honda dealership... getting my car serviced. 

I know. 
Settle in, readers.
Just as a backstory, they are remodeling the real salesroom and service center at Honda so currently their service center and then "customer lounge" (ha) are in trailers at the bottom part of their car lots. And apparently when you take your car in for minor service (which is what I brought mine in for) they have the people at this place called XPress Lube do the oil changes, tire rotations, etc. XPress Lube is right next door to Honda, but not technically affiliated with them.
Here's (allegedly) what happened during my day yesterday:

9:25 AM - Leave house flustered and hungry due to waking up late and not having time to make breakfast/coffee. Decide will stop at Starbucks drive-thru. Take weird side streets to freeway and curse self for not just taking the road right by my house down to the 10.
9:44 AM - Pull onto freeway.... at 4 mph because someone had an accident on the freeway and traffic is almost at a standstill. Turn music up louder to drown out anxiety that has formed as a result of probably being late for my appointment and I still need to stop and get breakfast. (If only that were my only problem of the day.)
9:50 AM - Get off freeway with anxiety slightly less. Walk into Starbucks and hear woman sitting outside explain to friends that her dog has a bladder infection because "she gets stressed out when other dogs at the dog park bark at her." Mentally roll eyes. Stand in line behind boy who gives (what I think is) name "Carob" to barista. Make stupid joke at barista about how busy it is in Starbucks.
9:55-10:05 AM - Drive to Honda, talking to sister on phone. Realize I don't know where to go anymore for my service now that the regular service place is not in order. Yell into phone. Hang up when I realize where to go.
10:07 AM - drop car off at Honda dealership. Guy makes note of mileage, I ring-check him, realize he is wearing very pointy dress shoes, proceed over to "customer lounge" (where they are playing horrible TV show called Mansion Hunters or something) and proceed to eat previously acquired Starbucks breakfast, contemplate where to eat lunch before blood donation (which was scheduled at 1:00 PM), and read Diane Ravitch book about piss-poor American education system.
11:05 AM - Become outraged reading about San Diego schools in the late 90s-mid 2000s and their dictatorial superintendent. Realize am freezing.
11:44 AM- Realize I still haven't heard anything from anyone about my car. Lots of people (and annoying children) are hanging out in "customer lounge" so I know they are busy and decide to give them some more time to finish car. Watch second half of Snapped: Kill For Hire. Wonder if everyone ever featured on this show has a heavy Southern drawl.
12:30 PM- Get annoyed realizing I will most likely not make my blood donation appointment at 1:00 given that the place is 15 minutes away and I still have to get something to eat so I don't pass out upon giving blood. Go in to talk to Steve (guy who took my car in) and see what's the dealio and do I have to reschedule my appointment.
12:33 PM - Steve evades question, says car is still "up with my guys... let me get back to you."
12:34-1:00 PM- Stand outside "customer lounge" to thaw out and call American Red Cross to reschedule appointment to next Friday. Mentally pat self on back for consistently donating blood. See Steve drive what I assume is his own car up and down from the trailers to the service bays a few times. Wonder what he is doing and if he's incompetent at dropping cars off for service.
1:02 PM - Go back inside customer lounge. Send Calla annoyed text about being hungry and that I'm still at Honda dealership.
1:30 PM- Walk next door to XPress Lube to use bathroom, buy snack since there are no bathrooms in "customer lounge" and the coffee machine needs a new circuit board or something.
2:00 PM - Receive phone call from Steve who apparently came looking for me when I was bathrooming/snacking. Go over to meet him in service trailer.
2:03 - 2:39 - Steve explains my car cannot be found despite multiple people checking the lot multiple times. I laugh nervously and say "what the f*&$%" at least five times. It is determined that what most likely happened is my car was left in the regular line outside of XPress Lube, keys in the ignition or at least in the car, and someone saw it sitting there and just took it.
I repeat: Some Joe Blow walking down the street saw my car sitting there and just sat down in it and drove off with it.
Another possibility is someone who works at XPress Lube and steals cars on the side called his friend and said "we can get good money for the parts on this thing, come steal it" ....????? This is my overactive CSI-watching imagination at work in this thought-process.
Anyway, I had to call my insurance company and file a stolen vehicle claim, the police came and took an official report, and now I am waiting to hear anything from anyone. Poor Steve looked like he was gonna barf when he told me what had happened. I am surprisingly calm about this whole thing. I mean, honestly... it's just a car. The worst that's gonna happen is I have to get a new one.
The best part of this story is that they gave me a loaner car from the dealership (a 2014 Accord Crossover... it's pretty nice) and as I was leaving and heading to Target to buy my friend Ashley a new folding table (since hers was also in my car yesterday) I look over and at the corner near the mall/Target the same cops who just took my police report are there questioning hooligan-looking youths!!! I thought maybe they were the ones who stole my car so I watch them go into the mall with the youths and mall security and then literally hung out in the parking lot waiting for them to come back out. LIKE A HUGE CREEP. So I see them come out, run over to the police cruiser all flustered "HI SORRY I KNOW THIS IS CREEPY SORRY I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD GET A COPY OF THE POLICE REPORT?!?" when really my question was "Are these the assholes that stole my car?!" but no. They were just shoplifters, I am assuming, although they were actually being arrested and I don't know if they usually arrest people for shoplifting since I have never done such things. But the cops were really nice and just said "Well, hope we don't call you with information about your car and then you can get the deal of the century from the Honda dealership for their incompetence!"
After this, I went home and proceeded to make sure all my doors and windows lock securely because apparently when I get my car stolen I am convinced the thieves are going to come find me? Again, this is not the movie Taken. Calm down, Nance.
Last night also happened to be my coworker/friend Ashley's White Trash Bash Graduation Party, which I of course still attended since thievery will not hold me back from partying. Here are some of the highlights.

Trying to channel old school Britney Spears. Yes, those are rolled down Uggs on my feet.

I literally drew my eyebrows on with black eyeliner. Borderline chola.

Mound of Hostess snack cakes. Yes, I ate a few of these.

Stank facin' with the Guest of Honor herself.

And here we have a nice juxtaposition of classy granny and the white-trashiest of them all.

The yard looked amazing.

Slippers made out of MAXI PADS.

Had to carry my baby somewhere.

Dead eyes. Always dead eyes.

This flamingo...


Mugshot times. And Sam, looking adorable.

So, OBVIOUSLY, I will post an update about my car once I know what happened to it, etc. Luckily there wasn't much stuff in there, but I had quite a few irreplaceable mix CDs and a book on CD from the library... thank GOD I'd finished it before this happened so I at least knew the ending! 

Be safe, everyone!!

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