The One Where Proposing to Me with A Pizza Isn't the Worst Thing You Could Do

So I came across this article on Buzzfeed today about the 20 Worst Marriage Proposals Ever or something to that effect. Being a professional judger of all things wedding-related these days, I decided to click over and check this out for myself. This then re-directed me to ebaumsworld.com, which, hello, that domain brings back memories! I'm pretty sure that's the website where I first watched this video:

Warning (mom): terrible language abounds in this video but it's so funny I can't help it.

ANYWAY, back to the article at hand. Upon perusing this fine piece of journalistic whatever, I narrowed the 20 down to my 8 favorites. Enjoy.

1)

Were you even trying AT ALL? This is horrible.

2)

You know what... I'm not gonna lie, proposing to me with a chicken sandwich is way more fun than proposing without a chicken sandwich. Although, honestly, I feel like the presentation of the ring could have gone so much better.

3)

GOOD GOD PUNCH ME IN THE FACE! Side note: my parents don't even remember how they got engaged. They are memory slackers.

Double side note: Is her name really Breeze?

 4)

See thoughts on Chicken Sandwich Proposal above. Although I'd like to note that using a different colored topping (e.g., black olives) would have stood out more. Just a thought.

5) 

I think this person is just asking if they want to make merry with them, which yes, I always enjoy some good merrymaking. And no, that's not code for hankety pankety. The official definition of merrymaking is "The process of enjoying oneself with others, especially by dancing and drinking." If you don't like merrymaking, you're probably a robot.

6) 

Did you MURDER someone in order to make this terrifying proposal happen?

7) 

I cannot tell if they are going for a Yoda theme or not with this. Also, everyone's expression is very lackluster. If you're gonna have people hold signs for you, they better at least look happy and/or excited for you!

8) 

THE DUMBEST ONE OF ALL - talk about pressuring the girl to say yes!

Bonus Neil DeGrasse Tyson reaction gif, summing up my thoughts on all of these: 

For the record, if I ever get proposed to, it had better happen in private. And obviously snacks are encouraged. As is the use of the song Let's Get Married by Jagged Edge. 

Well, more snark later. Along with my Kappa Convention (Konvention) recap!