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Monday, February 25, 2013

The One Where You Remember That Time 98 Degrees Stood on the Golden Gate Bridge Like That's Normal

So, for anyone who has known me longer than about 8 seconds, you know that I am an unabashed fan of boy bands. Now, Backstreet Boys hold the majority of my Boy Band Heart (which is large and glittery, like this one:

Horrifying. I'm pretty sure this was pulled from someone's Angelfire webpage.)

Anyway, just because I Celine Dion-style lurve BSB does not mean that I will not listen to other boy bands. Oh, no ma'am. In fact, I have a whole Spotify playlist titled "Boy Bands, Duh" which sometimes is the only thing that helps me when I'm writing something at work that I just can't seem to find the words for. And then I have to make sure I'm not rhyming inappropriately in things that could just do without that. 

So yesterday, I'm listening to the song We Fit Together by O-Town (c'mon, guys... you're fooling no one with the name of that song) and I decided to watch the video for the song on YouTube and then.... it was an hour later and I had just watched a BUNCH of boy band videos instead of doing things I should have been doing, like cleaning my bathroom or folding my laundry. But in this ridiculous life tangent, I came across some of the most ridiculous scenarios boy bands have ever had to be in in music videos. And I present them below, in order of ridiculousness.

We'll start with the video that inspired this post. Here those suckers are on a yacht. This is not very preposterous, therefore it's lowest on the ridiculous scale. What's high on the ridiculous scale? The fact that the one on the right is wearing a bracelet made from a bandana. Apparently that means he's hardcore. PS - Nice Canadian tuxedo, Ashley Parker Angel.

Next, we have BBMak (remember them!?)

Until you're back here babayyyyyyyyy

(Sorry for the poor quality) - these lads are being forced to play their love song to an airport. Because that's totally normal and exactly where I'd want to play a gig if I were in a band - a crowded space filled with angry travelers and overpriced Starbucks.

YES. I paused the video at EXACTLY the right time - during the fade out!!!

Next, we move up to the slightly more absurd - not just performing in an airport, performing in an airplane hangar. No one is going to know if you want it that way (tell me why, ain't nothin' but a heartache) if you don't have an audience around. At least BBMak was singing to people. Even if those people were just trying to buy a giant Toblerone and People magazine before their flight! (PS - pilots for private planes are paid hourly, so I doubt it's fiscally responsible to make them wait around for you to board that plane in the background just so you can look all angsty in your long, long leather jacket and try to explain how you can now see that you're falling apart from the way that it used to be [yeah])

New Kids On The Block Had a Buncha Hits, Chinese Food Makes Me Sick!

Then we have the Lyte Funky Ones (also known as LFO)... and not only are they performing at a carnival (or maybe it's just a boardwalk), they are performing ON TOP of a stand that sells Hot Corn and Frankfurters. ON. TOP. OF. THE. STAND. Why? That's dangerous. I hope you paid your Aflac bill this month! Also, LFO, stop harassing randos on the boardwalk. Let them at least look interested before you grab at them.

Now we're digging into the depths of boy band history - this is from the video for When The Lights Go Out by Five - aaaaannnyyybody else remember them? Anybody got a good reason for why they'd be forced to sing about how Every Single Word Cannot Express... The Love And Tenderness in a place where you RENT your shoes??? If Uncle Buck would hang out there, please don't sing love songs in it. That's the rule.

Now this... is just silly. (PS - nice face, Nick.) WHY on God's GREEN EARTH would you put these guys on top of this terrifying bridge? And this was definitely not a green screen performance! They were really up there! Unless It's All Because Of You (the video this is taken from) is really about the Golden Gate Bridge and how the guys love it so much because it helps them get to work every morning??? WHO KNOWS.

I still remember watching the Making of the Video on MTV for Bye, Bye, Bye performed by none other than NSync and I STILL remember how the director kind of had to convince the guys this was going to be such an innovative, fun video idea and OMG WHAT is UP with the cuffed pants and the red ones on Joey?! Boy band as puppets... almost the most ridiculous. But not the winner, because...

Yeah! That's Hanson! Mmmbop depidoopitdopdoowop doobedopbahdoowop (those are the real words)

In my opinion, performing on the moon without space suits is the most ridiculous thing you could make a boy band do in a video. I know some may argue with my including Hanson in a post about boy bands, but guess what - they're dudes, and they're in a band, so it works. Complaints can be filed here.

So, there you have it. I hope this inspired you to take a break out of doing whatever boring adult thing you were doing before you sat down and read this and go watch some of your favorite music videos on YouTube, too. Because sometimes, ya just gotta!!!


  1. Replies
    1. Hahaha maybe a little... But come ON! That picture is riDICulous!!!

  2. Omg. I cannot believe all of the nostalgia you just threw at me. Never once did I question those videos!

    P.S. I was totally a fan of 5ive. 5IVE. Yeah, I typed it.

    P.P.S. Please ignore my Spotify feed for the next 24 hours. Thank you.

    1. Haha first, I am never in ANY position to judge what people are listening to on Spotify!!

      Second, I THOUGHT it was spelled 5IVE but then I put that in YouTube and it didn't compute. Thank you for confirming I am not crazy!

    2. I appreciate the safe space that you create.

      I almost rear-ended a truck searching for "5ive" on Spotify while driving to work. WORTH IT.

  3. If a member from BBMak or 98 Degrees needed a kidney, I'd give it to them.

  4. oh, the good old days, right? if only the continued to make good music these days ...